I slept without pain. Didn’t take any medication last night nor all this day. (Update note: In fact, I never did take any meds, even aspirin, from this point onward.) I attribute this to the many prayers offered in my behalf and to the excellent qualities of Reliv. This new ‘little’ miracle is truly humbling.
Today I spent the afternoon typing up the operation in detail for this blog. I see how yesterday’s 'missteps' or unplanned, unexpected events could really have been additional ‘little’ miracles – like the two guide wires.
Spent a couple of hours reading Dr. Lee’s book. It has helped me immeasurably to know about and understand the nature of this affliction. While I want to live my life as energetically and enthusiastically as ever, I do have to say that there have been some changes. I think they are very positive:
1) Colors of blouses I now wear reflect an important inner change. I used to wear dark colors: black and burgundy especially. Now they hang in my closet untouched. I wear white, pink, light blues, soft pastel greens. The darkest blouse I’ll put on is a rich teal color.
2) I believe Reliv has strengthened my body in several ways since starting the cancer treatment regimen. One is that I don’t have as much pain associated with various illnesses, etc. Two is that my fingernails are no longer flimsy and break easily. Three is (I highly suspect) that my hair is no longer as thin as it had been; that it is returning to the state it had been in 15 years ago. This is over and above the miracle it did curing my osteoporosis and the strength it gives to keep my eyesight healthy so I have only wear 'granny glasses' to read.
3) I have stopped living ‘by the clock.’ I used to have lists of things to do. I used to have a list of the different lists I had. There was a daily list built from a weekly list that was compiled from a set of monthly goals that was based upon yearly projects. Maybe not so surprisingly, I made out no lists all the month of March. I do know that there is value in making out an agenda and that someday, I’ll start making lists out again. But, I want to live so that, instead of saying, “I have just so much time for this,” I instead feel instinctively and say, “This is a good place to stop for the day on this project.”
4) I’ve stopped saying, “I don’t have time to do such and such” or “I’m so busy.” I am very well aware of and now avoid mentioning those two words. When I’ve offered them in the past, it was usually by way of an apology. Now I will say, “I’ve been (or I am) otherwise occupied.” This language, at least to me, is the language of cancer or other serious illnesses. By changing my language as well as other things, I choose my priorities based on what I know I can reasonably accomplish. Whereas I over-scheduled in the past, I choose not to do so now.
I want to enjoy each task. Part of that means that I will not put a time limit on it nor schedule many things to do in one day. This changed attitude of flexibility reflects new depth, meaning, and appreciation of life. No longer will I stress myself out each day by not completing an impossibly long agenda. Additionally, I know that I will sleep much better for it; be healthier in the long run for it.
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