I just wish this whole experience would be over and done with so I could get on with my 'normal' life. Currently, I cannot concentrate as I have no patience to do the mundane things of life such as housework or work on taxes or even work on my genealogy business because my perspective is they are part of ordinary life and my life just isn't ordinary at the moment.
The question is, "Will it ever be?" A couple of weeks ago, after my first appointment with the systemic oncologist, I was given a big, thick binder entitled, "My Cure Handbook: An integrative approach to healing.... Caring for your mind, body and spirit." This I read through before visiting with the surgeon on Feb. 28th. The chapters included: Understanding Cancer, My Treatment, Appointment Calendar, Seeking Support, and Practical Matters.
Ironically, in the chapter, Looking Forward, the second and third paragraphs say: "When treatment ends, people often expect life to return to the way it was before they were diagnosed with cancer. This rarely happens. You may have permanent scars on your body or may not be able to do some things you once did easily. Just as with other major life events, you and your life have been changed by this experience....
One of the hardest things after treatment is not knowing what happens next. What is 'normal' after cancer treatment? Those who have lived through treatment (my note: a poor choice of words. Not funny!!) talk about the first few months as a time of change. It's not so much 'getting back to normal' as finding out what is normal for you now..."
It was a real bummer when I first read that. It's depressing, but it also got me ticked. I do not accept it! Certainly I know that there will be some things that are different: I might have a scar (vitamin E, vitamin E, vitamin E) and I'll follow better health practices which improve my over-all immune system and work to prevent the chances of a recurrence. That's a given! Reading Looking Forward, though, made it sound like a possible recurrence of cancer would always be (should always be?) in the back of my mind. However, I refuse to live as if I were looking backwards over my shoulder. (Another irony when considering the title of the chapter!)
Thankfully, there was a lot of 'upside' to this day.
Upon waking, I had a cute little dream. Also, in my email box were several cute 'forwards.'
A couple of them really made me laugh for Laughter truly is the Best Medicine! I got an email from my oldest grandson. Sweet.
I went to the Family History Center in the afternoon. Healing.
Lastly, on the way home from the FHC, I listened to a Janice Kapp Perry cd. The selection, "I Love This Season of My Life" was powerful and inspiring as I stopped to listen to it while watching a beautiful evening sunset.
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