At the outset of the blessing, Pres. Walker had asked, "Sister James, how is your faith?" I answered rather gruffly for my heart was pounding and my throat full of emotion, "For what I'm asking, it can't happen without faith!"
When I came home from church (Rex leaving directly from church for a stake meeting in Emmett), I thought as how my answer may have sounded brash. I found that when you are 'in the moment,' it's not easy answering such a question for the 'test' is so very real. Now, at home, doubts came to my mind, loud and uninvited: "Who do I think I am to ask for such a miracle?" and "Do I have enough faith?"
The questions of fear and doubting continued. "What if my request is not granted?" I surmised that the result would be that I would not be allowed to fulfill the mission I could ‘envision so clearly. At that thought, I dissolved into great sobs. No, it couldn't be; it wouldn't be. Not after all the inspirations and inspired impressions I'd received through prayer and study of the scriptures!
How to describe the lingering doubt even though I considered that my faith was strong?
Into my mind came the passage from the gospel of Mark 9:17-23 (excerpting):
”And one of the multitude... said, ‘Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a dumb spirit...
And they brought him unto him... and (Christ) asked his father, ‘How long is it ago since this came unto him?’
And (the father) said, ‘(Since he) was a child.’
Jesus said unto him, "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.’
And straightaway the father cried out and said with tears, ‘Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief."
Now my heart took courage and I dried my eyes. Turning to a special blessing I was given in 1975, I prayerfully studied it. It’s no longer a question of belief now for I received a clear, forthright, unmistakable answer about the outcome of my health and I haven't had a moment's doubt since.
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