I awoke very nervous about facing people in Sacrament (our main church service) and leading the music. I knew it was perfectly normal for some to avoid eye contact for they are either embarrassed or don’t know what to say. Others will look at me with sad eyes, full of pity: not what I want! Still others will tell me their cancer stories as a way of ‘connecting’ with me empathetically. Oh no!
Rex offered and I accepted a blessing of comfort and strength. As I stood and led the music, much affected at times by the lyrics, I indeed saw some in the congregation whose eyes were full. I had a couple of insights that gave me knowledge, understanding, and peace. I realized that I reminded them of the (cancer) trial one of their loved ones had gone through. As I stood in front of them, they relived (at least to some degree) the pain of that trial. They felt empathetically for me based on their own personal experiences. My heart was uplifted, however, because they don’t know what I know: that my experience will be different – much different – than theirs. This allowed me get outside of myself and to have compassion on them for their pain and loss. So, leading the music in Sacrament became a sweet blessing.
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