Since Sunday, I have been praying that if my body is ready for the operation and conditions are as they need to be for my prayers be answered as I have asked that my cold will be gone. If it has not, then I know my body could use the extra time to become stronger for the lumpectomy.
I called the doctor's nurse and told her about my cold that was still hanging around. She said it would be best to wait given the possibility that the little bit of congestion and wheezing was still experiencing might cause problems in waking up from the operation (the anesthesia?). The next available date for the operation was Friday, March 29th, Wednesday. I agreed to it. I had a few questions that she graciously answered before we hung up.
The realization that I have almost another two full weeks to be proactive in my own recovery sent me to my knees again. I asked Heavenly Father, "What, of all I am doing, should I step up?" I had the impression that of the several things I am doing (pH factor, etc.) while they are helpful, what is of critical importance was (and I fairly heard / saw these words written in my mind) - "resveratrol, resveratrol, resveratrol." This means I will be taking more shakes containing ReversAge.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
March 14, 2006: Tuesday – A Promise made to the Lord
"Let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever."
In Doctrine and Covenants 82:10, the Lord says, "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise." Also, D & C 130: 20-21 says, "When we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated."
A covenant is a contract between two parties that legally binds them to fulfill it. When I have approached the Lord in the past for some great blessing, I have framed it and received it as a covenant, a binding contract.
This present trial is no different. When I pondered the terms I was willing to commit to, I found to my mild surprise that they were something I want to do regardless of the blessings I have asked for regarding my surgery. I have come to feel this way about my covenant because I know in my heart that these things I covenant to will bring me joy in and of their own right. I have found this whole month-long experience to have been a sacred journey and for that alone, I would strive to live up to what I've learned and to what I've been given.
From Alma 46:20, I have known that a Covenant with the Lord is appropriate and necessary. When invaders beset Capt. Moroni’s people, he wrote a Title of liberty: “In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, over wives and our children.” This plea took to the townspeople prophesying, “Whosoever will maintain this title upon the land, let them come forth in the strength of the Lord, and enter into a covenant that they will maintain their rights, and their religion, that the Lord God may bless them."
Therefore, I commit to doing these things that God may bless me:
1) Every morning, I will awake and ask the Lord what He have me do that today.
2) Every day, I will send a card of thanks or do something out of gratitude for someone who has blessed my life. (Alma 37:40,41)
3) I will treat the knowledge about the spiritual part of this journey and the knowledge of how my cancer was healed as a sacred trust sharing one or both with others as directed by the Lord.
In Doctrine and Covenants 82:10, the Lord says, "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise." Also, D & C 130: 20-21 says, "When we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated."
A covenant is a contract between two parties that legally binds them to fulfill it. When I have approached the Lord in the past for some great blessing, I have framed it and received it as a covenant, a binding contract.
This present trial is no different. When I pondered the terms I was willing to commit to, I found to my mild surprise that they were something I want to do regardless of the blessings I have asked for regarding my surgery. I have come to feel this way about my covenant because I know in my heart that these things I covenant to will bring me joy in and of their own right. I have found this whole month-long experience to have been a sacred journey and for that alone, I would strive to live up to what I've learned and to what I've been given.
From Alma 46:20, I have known that a Covenant with the Lord is appropriate and necessary. When invaders beset Capt. Moroni’s people, he wrote a Title of liberty: “In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, over wives and our children.” This plea took to the townspeople prophesying, “Whosoever will maintain this title upon the land, let them come forth in the strength of the Lord, and enter into a covenant that they will maintain their rights, and their religion, that the Lord God may bless them."
Therefore, I commit to doing these things that God may bless me:
1) Every morning, I will awake and ask the Lord what He have me do that today.
2) Every day, I will send a card of thanks or do something out of gratitude for someone who has blessed my life. (Alma 37:40,41)
3) I will treat the knowledge about the spiritual part of this journey and the knowledge of how my cancer was healed as a sacred trust sharing one or both with others as directed by the Lord.
March 14, 2006: Tuesday - Covenant preparation
Today is our wedding anniversary. We celebrated by going to the Temple, having dinner and taking in a movie. This we did, arriving home safely shortly before midnight.
Maureen, and I had visited for about an hour. She had a gift to present to me prior to going into surgery. I unwrapped it to find a beautifully carved board with a two-sided message. On one side, it read in bold letters: BELIEVE. On the second side, the first line read, "Ask, Seek, Knock. " Below that read based upon Matt. 7:7: "Receive, Find, Opened." It is that strangely wonderful that this scripture doesn't say, 'Open' as in 'it shall be open to you,' but 'opened' as in it will be open to you. Anyway, when I saw "Believe," it just made me cry with love for this loving friend. She is such an inspiration!
Since the time that I studied and composed my Title of Liberty, I knew I would make a Covenant with the Lord. Over the past few days, it has been on my mind especially. The big question has been: For what I'm asking, what would be an acceptable offering before the Lord on my part? Certainly, I feel that I could never fully repay my Savior but at least in some small way, I will surely try!
The scriptures fell upon this morning to Alma 37:37. Its familiar verse 37 advises: “Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good." Did this chapter as a whole have something else profound to say to me today? Yes, it did.
Verse 16: "..keep the commandments of God, and do with these things which are sacred according to that which the Lord doth command you, (for you must appeal unto the Lord for all things whatsoever ye must do with them)..." In my case, 'these things' I interpret to mean what I have learned and hope to share with others in the future, especially those who might find themselves 'walking in my shoes.'
Verse 36: "Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever." The last phrase is a perfect life-long motto.
In verse 40 & 41, the prophet Alma is giving his son, Helaman, a history lesson in reminding him of their immigrant forefathers, Lehi and family. When Lehi and family were commanded to leave Jerusalem in order to save his family 600 B.C. (for the population would soon be scattered to the winds), he was given many insights, visions, dreams and other things to guide them in the wilderness. "...they had... many miracles wrought by the power of God, day by day. Nevertheless, because those miracles were worked by small means, it did show unto them marvelous works. (Yet)they were slothful, and forgot to exercise their faith and diligence, and then those marvelous works ceased, and they did not progress in their journey."
These past few weeks, I have seen, received and felt many 'small miracles.' Lest they become so commonplace as to lose their astonishing content, I realize I need to make a Covenant that would remind me every day from whom all my blessing flow.
Maureen, and I had visited for about an hour. She had a gift to present to me prior to going into surgery. I unwrapped it to find a beautifully carved board with a two-sided message. On one side, it read in bold letters: BELIEVE. On the second side, the first line read, "Ask, Seek, Knock. " Below that read based upon Matt. 7:7: "Receive, Find, Opened." It is that strangely wonderful that this scripture doesn't say, 'Open' as in 'it shall be open to you,' but 'opened' as in it will be open to you. Anyway, when I saw "Believe," it just made me cry with love for this loving friend. She is such an inspiration!
Since the time that I studied and composed my Title of Liberty, I knew I would make a Covenant with the Lord. Over the past few days, it has been on my mind especially. The big question has been: For what I'm asking, what would be an acceptable offering before the Lord on my part? Certainly, I feel that I could never fully repay my Savior but at least in some small way, I will surely try!
The scriptures fell upon this morning to Alma 37:37. Its familiar verse 37 advises: “Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good." Did this chapter as a whole have something else profound to say to me today? Yes, it did.
Verse 16: "..keep the commandments of God, and do with these things which are sacred according to that which the Lord doth command you, (for you must appeal unto the Lord for all things whatsoever ye must do with them)..." In my case, 'these things' I interpret to mean what I have learned and hope to share with others in the future, especially those who might find themselves 'walking in my shoes.'
Verse 36: "Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever." The last phrase is a perfect life-long motto.
In verse 40 & 41, the prophet Alma is giving his son, Helaman, a history lesson in reminding him of their immigrant forefathers, Lehi and family. When Lehi and family were commanded to leave Jerusalem in order to save his family 600 B.C. (for the population would soon be scattered to the winds), he was given many insights, visions, dreams and other things to guide them in the wilderness. "...they had... many miracles wrought by the power of God, day by day. Nevertheless, because those miracles were worked by small means, it did show unto them marvelous works. (Yet)they were slothful, and forgot to exercise their faith and diligence, and then those marvelous works ceased, and they did not progress in their journey."
These past few weeks, I have seen, received and felt many 'small miracles.' Lest they become so commonplace as to lose their astonishing content, I realize I need to make a Covenant that would remind me every day from whom all my blessing flow.
March 13, 2006: Monday – Warning others to get mammograms
Yesterday after our meetings at church, I was given a vase of flowers with the sentiment, "We want you to know that we'll be thinking about you this week," she said. This gift brought a tear to my eye and a lump in my throat.
Today, I shared some of those flowers with women I visit teach. I had not yet told them of my diagnosis of cancer. When I told Glenna the news, she said that her sister-in-law had just been through a lumpectomy. We chatted a little bit about that. Then she asked how I discovered it. I told her the story about the old volleyball injury turned cancerous. She said, "You know, I've had a spot like that high up on my breast. For years, it's been slightly indented but lately, I've noticed it's begun to protrude. I should go have that checked. You just did your 'good deed' for the day!"
I spent the afternoon doing genealogy at the Family History center. Afterwards, on the drive to home, I felt so very peaceful. To round out the sweet experiences of the day, Rex had dinner ready and waiting when I arrived home. He'd cooked eggplant parmigiana and the smell so filled the kitchen that I felt like I was back in Italy!
The 'angel' who called tonight was my friend, Sharon, from Salt Lake. We've been good friends for about 30 years. In addition to the notable recent events of our children's lives, we talked about the challenges of cancer, mine and a co-worker of hers. This co-worker (in his 20's?) has fast-developing cancer of the mouth though he's never smoked, drank, or chewed. He's been through radiation and chemotherapy on one side of his mouth. Now it's back on the other side. He fights it for all he's work. I told her to have him call me. I have such a desire to help and I believe that Reliv can!
Today, I shared some of those flowers with women I visit teach. I had not yet told them of my diagnosis of cancer. When I told Glenna the news, she said that her sister-in-law had just been through a lumpectomy. We chatted a little bit about that. Then she asked how I discovered it. I told her the story about the old volleyball injury turned cancerous. She said, "You know, I've had a spot like that high up on my breast. For years, it's been slightly indented but lately, I've noticed it's begun to protrude. I should go have that checked. You just did your 'good deed' for the day!"
I spent the afternoon doing genealogy at the Family History center. Afterwards, on the drive to home, I felt so very peaceful. To round out the sweet experiences of the day, Rex had dinner ready and waiting when I arrived home. He'd cooked eggplant parmigiana and the smell so filled the kitchen that I felt like I was back in Italy!
The 'angel' who called tonight was my friend, Sharon, from Salt Lake. We've been good friends for about 30 years. In addition to the notable recent events of our children's lives, we talked about the challenges of cancer, mine and a co-worker of hers. This co-worker (in his 20's?) has fast-developing cancer of the mouth though he's never smoked, drank, or chewed. He's been through radiation and chemotherapy on one side of his mouth. Now it's back on the other side. He fights it for all he's work. I told her to have him call me. I have such a desire to help and I believe that Reliv can!
March 12, 2006: Sunday – “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief”
At the outset of the blessing, Pres. Walker had asked, "Sister James, how is your faith?" I answered rather gruffly for my heart was pounding and my throat full of emotion, "For what I'm asking, it can't happen without faith!"
When I came home from church (Rex leaving directly from church for a stake meeting in Emmett), I thought as how my answer may have sounded brash. I found that when you are 'in the moment,' it's not easy answering such a question for the 'test' is so very real. Now, at home, doubts came to my mind, loud and uninvited: "Who do I think I am to ask for such a miracle?" and "Do I have enough faith?"
The questions of fear and doubting continued. "What if my request is not granted?" I surmised that the result would be that I would not be allowed to fulfill the mission I could ‘envision so clearly. At that thought, I dissolved into great sobs. No, it couldn't be; it wouldn't be. Not after all the inspirations and inspired impressions I'd received through prayer and study of the scriptures!
How to describe the lingering doubt even though I considered that my faith was strong?
Into my mind came the passage from the gospel of Mark 9:17-23 (excerpting):
”And one of the multitude... said, ‘Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a dumb spirit...
And they brought him unto him... and (Christ) asked his father, ‘How long is it ago since this came unto him?’
And (the father) said, ‘(Since he) was a child.’
Jesus said unto him, "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.’
And straightaway the father cried out and said with tears, ‘Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief."
Now my heart took courage and I dried my eyes. Turning to a special blessing I was given in 1975, I prayerfully studied it. It’s no longer a question of belief now for I received a clear, forthright, unmistakable answer about the outcome of my health and I haven't had a moment's doubt since.
When I came home from church (Rex leaving directly from church for a stake meeting in Emmett), I thought as how my answer may have sounded brash. I found that when you are 'in the moment,' it's not easy answering such a question for the 'test' is so very real. Now, at home, doubts came to my mind, loud and uninvited: "Who do I think I am to ask for such a miracle?" and "Do I have enough faith?"
The questions of fear and doubting continued. "What if my request is not granted?" I surmised that the result would be that I would not be allowed to fulfill the mission I could ‘envision so clearly. At that thought, I dissolved into great sobs. No, it couldn't be; it wouldn't be. Not after all the inspirations and inspired impressions I'd received through prayer and study of the scriptures!
How to describe the lingering doubt even though I considered that my faith was strong?
Into my mind came the passage from the gospel of Mark 9:17-23 (excerpting):
”And one of the multitude... said, ‘Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a dumb spirit...
And they brought him unto him... and (Christ) asked his father, ‘How long is it ago since this came unto him?’
And (the father) said, ‘(Since he) was a child.’
Jesus said unto him, "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.’
And straightaway the father cried out and said with tears, ‘Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief."
Now my heart took courage and I dried my eyes. Turning to a special blessing I was given in 1975, I prayerfully studied it. It’s no longer a question of belief now for I received a clear, forthright, unmistakable answer about the outcome of my health and I haven't had a moment's doubt since.
March 12, 2006: Sunday - “God, Our Father, Hear Us Pray”
Stake President Walker and company came for our annual ward conference today. For our sacrament (communion) hymn #170 we sang, "God, Our Father, Hear Us Pray." Nothing prepared me for the emotion I felt as the second verse opened. "Grant us, Oh Lord, grace divine." Tears began to stream down my face. This desire was so close to my heart as Rex and I were again fasting for the best possible outcome to happen and Friday, the scheduled day for the lumpectomy was coming up fast.
Pres. Walker gave a very good talk as he always does. At the conclusion, Pres. Walker said something to the effect that when a person sincerely prays and has faith, Heavenly Father always answers their prayers. I felt like he was speaking directly to me.
After church, I was asked if I wanted a blessing. I accepted and asked Pres. Walker to be the voice for the blessing that would come from Heavenly Father. He agreed. Before beginning, he asked me, "Sister James, how is your faith?"
The blessing was beautiful. I tried to listen very carefully for phrases that, beyond all doubt, would tell me what the outcome would be on Friday. From what I heard and remember, it did not tell me what I wanted to hear. However, it repeated several things said in other blessings, in particular the blessing of angels to be near/with me during this time of trial. It said that I would yet go through a test of faith. Most remarkably, it specifically addressed two paragraphs I'd written in my 'letter to God.' I thought to myself, "It's almost as if Pres. Walker’s read that letter!" and yet I knew he hadn't. Of two paragraphs in my ‘letter’ 1) clearly defined what I wished would happen re: surgery and therapy and 2) why I was asking for that specific blessing. I believed what the blessing I now received was open to more than one interpretation. When I returned home from church, I went through a couple of soul-searching hours while reviewing today’s blessing.
When Rex came home from his stake meeting about 9 PM, I asked him what he remembered from the blessing. He said that the phrase that struck him and stayed with him was that my body would be 'rid of the cancer.' He had the impression that that meant that whatever happened at the time of the operation; I would not have any cancer thereafter. (So, no radiation!)
Good news!
Pres. Walker gave a very good talk as he always does. At the conclusion, Pres. Walker said something to the effect that when a person sincerely prays and has faith, Heavenly Father always answers their prayers. I felt like he was speaking directly to me.
After church, I was asked if I wanted a blessing. I accepted and asked Pres. Walker to be the voice for the blessing that would come from Heavenly Father. He agreed. Before beginning, he asked me, "Sister James, how is your faith?"
The blessing was beautiful. I tried to listen very carefully for phrases that, beyond all doubt, would tell me what the outcome would be on Friday. From what I heard and remember, it did not tell me what I wanted to hear. However, it repeated several things said in other blessings, in particular the blessing of angels to be near/with me during this time of trial. It said that I would yet go through a test of faith. Most remarkably, it specifically addressed two paragraphs I'd written in my 'letter to God.' I thought to myself, "It's almost as if Pres. Walker’s read that letter!" and yet I knew he hadn't. Of two paragraphs in my ‘letter’ 1) clearly defined what I wished would happen re: surgery and therapy and 2) why I was asking for that specific blessing. I believed what the blessing I now received was open to more than one interpretation. When I returned home from church, I went through a couple of soul-searching hours while reviewing today’s blessing.
When Rex came home from his stake meeting about 9 PM, I asked him what he remembered from the blessing. He said that the phrase that struck him and stayed with him was that my body would be 'rid of the cancer.' He had the impression that that meant that whatever happened at the time of the operation; I would not have any cancer thereafter. (So, no radiation!)
Good news!
Friday, November 16, 2007
March 11, 2006: Saturday - Cancer is an individual experience
Jane is a friend I’ve been close to over the past 10 years. At present, she and her husband Jerry are raising two small grandsons while running two different businesses. She's a busy lady and we’re about the same age: nearing 60. She left a message on our phone asking after my welfare. "I've been thinking about you a lot," her voice said on our recorder. This morning, I returned her call. We talked for an hour and had a profound conversation that left lasting impressions and taught me several important things in regards to shaping a Health Recovery Plan for cancer.
Jane is a most remarkable lady for in her early 20's, she lost her right leg to synovial sarcoma. According to www.Cancer.gov, this is a cancer of "the muscles, fat, fibrous tissue, blood vessels or other supporting tissue of the body. Synovial tissue lines the cavities of joints, such as the knee or elbow, tendons (tissues that connect muscle to bone) and bursae (fluid-filled, cushioning sacs in the spaces between tendons, ligaments, and bones. It occurs mostly in young adults with the average age being 26 although 30% are under 20 years old. It occurs more in men than in women. Half of this type of cancer develops in the legs, especially the knees. The second most common location is the arms. It is common for synovial cancer to come back usually within the first two years after treatment. When it metastasizes, it spreads to either the lungs, lymph nodes, or bone marrow.”
The background on Jane's story is this: Thirty or more years ago, when Jane was about 26 years old, she was a mother of two small children. Jerry was not a member of our faith and he like to party. When her cancer was detected, the doctors performed all types of tests. Besides the tumor that could be felt high up on her leg, the leg was otherwise filled with undetectable cancer. However, no cancer was found in any other part of her body. Her cancer was rare: a combination of two types: bone and tissue. They advised amputation and chemotherapy which was done.
My questions to Jane were:
1. Did you ever explore other alternatives other than conventional medicine?
Ans: She never explored other options outside of amputation because she knew well in advance that it was meant to be that she would lose her leg. She had had a dream one night months previous to the diagnosis: she would have her choice of either losing an arm or a leg. Thinking through those options in her dream, she chose a leg.
2. If you had it to do all over again, would you change anything?
Ans: What she would changed would be to have foregone the chemotherapy. The reason she wasn't given radiation was that it was supposed to have been ineffective against battling her kind of cancer. The chemotherapy, in fact, was also supposedly ineffective. Why did they give it to her then? She figures it because they felt they had to do something. Had cancer been found in other parts of her body, the doctors would have simply amputated and given her nothing else because they figured that at that point, she would have had only months to live anyway. Without cancer being in evidence outside of her leg, however, they hoped to give her a better chance of survival.
The chemotherapy was to be given for a period spread over the next twelve months. She would spend one week in the hospital for treatments every month. Treatments were discontinued after only five months when Jane developed heart problems. In the intervening years, she's also developed lupus. This is a known possible side effect from the chemotherapy drugs she received.
3. Did you ever learn to what purpose having had cancer has served in your life?
4. Did you make a covenant with God when asking for a return to health?
Ans: God had given Jane to know - before the leg was taken - that her sacrifice would result in a remarkable blessing for the future well-being of her family. That's why she was at peace with what happened. It was her husband, Jerry, who made a covenant with God. If God would spare his wife's life, he would change his. When his request was granted, he made good on his promise: he joined the church and his family's well-being and happiness was preserved.
Jane helped me to see that cancer, though it is commonplace among our society today, is a very individual experience. What is or could be a solution for one, may not be for another. As we talked, I was impressed with the fact that when people find out about a life-threatening illness, etc., I can't help but think that they drop to their knees in prayer. They may be asking, "Why me, Lord?" but they are also asking, "Where do I go from here? What am I to do?" I believe that in our heart of hearts, the Lord comforts and answers us all on some level. That's why some people do the straight conventional medical therapy; some pray themselves whole; others go the alternative medical route and still others follow a complimentary approach combining all of these therapies.
Jane is a most remarkable lady for in her early 20's, she lost her right leg to synovial sarcoma. According to www.Cancer.gov, this is a cancer of "the muscles, fat, fibrous tissue, blood vessels or other supporting tissue of the body. Synovial tissue lines the cavities of joints, such as the knee or elbow, tendons (tissues that connect muscle to bone) and bursae (fluid-filled, cushioning sacs in the spaces between tendons, ligaments, and bones. It occurs mostly in young adults with the average age being 26 although 30% are under 20 years old. It occurs more in men than in women. Half of this type of cancer develops in the legs, especially the knees. The second most common location is the arms. It is common for synovial cancer to come back usually within the first two years after treatment. When it metastasizes, it spreads to either the lungs, lymph nodes, or bone marrow.”
The background on Jane's story is this: Thirty or more years ago, when Jane was about 26 years old, she was a mother of two small children. Jerry was not a member of our faith and he like to party. When her cancer was detected, the doctors performed all types of tests. Besides the tumor that could be felt high up on her leg, the leg was otherwise filled with undetectable cancer. However, no cancer was found in any other part of her body. Her cancer was rare: a combination of two types: bone and tissue. They advised amputation and chemotherapy which was done.
My questions to Jane were:
1. Did you ever explore other alternatives other than conventional medicine?
Ans: She never explored other options outside of amputation because she knew well in advance that it was meant to be that she would lose her leg. She had had a dream one night months previous to the diagnosis: she would have her choice of either losing an arm or a leg. Thinking through those options in her dream, she chose a leg.
2. If you had it to do all over again, would you change anything?
Ans: What she would changed would be to have foregone the chemotherapy. The reason she wasn't given radiation was that it was supposed to have been ineffective against battling her kind of cancer. The chemotherapy, in fact, was also supposedly ineffective. Why did they give it to her then? She figures it because they felt they had to do something. Had cancer been found in other parts of her body, the doctors would have simply amputated and given her nothing else because they figured that at that point, she would have had only months to live anyway. Without cancer being in evidence outside of her leg, however, they hoped to give her a better chance of survival.
The chemotherapy was to be given for a period spread over the next twelve months. She would spend one week in the hospital for treatments every month. Treatments were discontinued after only five months when Jane developed heart problems. In the intervening years, she's also developed lupus. This is a known possible side effect from the chemotherapy drugs she received.
3. Did you ever learn to what purpose having had cancer has served in your life?
4. Did you make a covenant with God when asking for a return to health?
Ans: God had given Jane to know - before the leg was taken - that her sacrifice would result in a remarkable blessing for the future well-being of her family. That's why she was at peace with what happened. It was her husband, Jerry, who made a covenant with God. If God would spare his wife's life, he would change his. When his request was granted, he made good on his promise: he joined the church and his family's well-being and happiness was preserved.
Jane helped me to see that cancer, though it is commonplace among our society today, is a very individual experience. What is or could be a solution for one, may not be for another. As we talked, I was impressed with the fact that when people find out about a life-threatening illness, etc., I can't help but think that they drop to their knees in prayer. They may be asking, "Why me, Lord?" but they are also asking, "Where do I go from here? What am I to do?" I believe that in our heart of hearts, the Lord comforts and answers us all on some level. That's why some people do the straight conventional medical therapy; some pray themselves whole; others go the alternative medical route and still others follow a complimentary approach combining all of these therapies.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
March 10 - Friday: Misleading Tamoxifen Advertising
In a letter to the FDA, Cindy Pearson, executive director of the National Women's Health Network (NWHN), elegantly laid out the truth about an ad for tamoxifen that appeared in Newsweek... The ad is an excellent example of how statistics are deceptively used both in advertising and in writing abstracts of published studies:
"The ad is misleading because of the shifting use of absolute and relative risk numbers. By juxtaposing test reading "women who took Nolvadex (tamoxifen) had 44% fewer breast cancers than women taking sugar pills," with text asserting that health threatening side effects "occurred in less than 1% of women," Zeneca (the drug maker) is deliberately creating an inaccurate impression of the risk/benefit of this drug. The average consumer reading this text would understand that she has a 44% chance of benefiting from taking tamoxifen and less than a 1% chance of experiencing the associated risks.
If the ad used relative risk consistently, it would say that women who took tamoxifen had 44% fewer breast cancers and 253% more endometrial (uterine) cancers. Or alternatively, if Zeneca wants to use the absolute numbers to assert that women have a less than 1% chance of being harmed by tamoxifen, the ad should also explain that in absolute terms the women have only a 1-2% chance of benefiting from the drug depending on their underlying risk of getting breast cancer in the first place.
We hope the FDA will act quickly and strongly... This is not the first misleading advertisement of this promotional campaign... Tamoxifen is not a risk-free drug. Healthy women have already died as a result of taking tamoxifen..."
**************************
Many doctors prescribe tamoxifen as a matter of course to virtually all women with breast cancer, regarless of age or whether they have a uterus and apparently without regard to the National Cancer Institute study warning against such indiscriminate use. (p. 229-232) For the most part, it's only in the United States that doctors still believe tamoxifen significantly prevents or reverses breast cancer. In fact, now even the National Cancer Institute has come out with a statement that in all but a very narrow group of women under the age of 60, tamoxifen may do more harm than good in terms of preventing cancer. Despite this, the Food and Drug Administration just approved the use of tamoxifen to treat a form of breast cancer known as ductal carcinoma in situ or DCIS. (These are not breast cancers at all - but benign tumors.) (p.10)
If the side effects of tamoxifen are this bad, why is it being used at all, and why is it being trumpeted so loudly as the great cure-all, to the extent that the FDA approved its use as a preventive? ... It's the lesser of many evils; it's better than nothing. Theoretically - on paper, in test tubes and in laboratory animals - tamoxifen looks promising and the rationale for using it is based on solid scientific foundations. (p.9)
Just in case you're wondering about the profitability of a drug like tamoxifen, it's estimated that at least 60% of women with breast cancer are taking tamoxifen and at a cost of about $1,000 per year each, that's one billion dollars a year going into the pockets of the drug companies. (p. 232)
********************************************
Update – July, 2006 in the magazine, Cancer
Tamoxifen Fails to Reduce Breast Cancer Risk in Most Women
by Allison Gandey
A new study suggests that current recommendations for tamoxifen use should be amended to promote the drug for only the highest-risk women.
"The ad is misleading because of the shifting use of absolute and relative risk numbers. By juxtaposing test reading "women who took Nolvadex (tamoxifen) had 44% fewer breast cancers than women taking sugar pills," with text asserting that health threatening side effects "occurred in less than 1% of women," Zeneca (the drug maker) is deliberately creating an inaccurate impression of the risk/benefit of this drug. The average consumer reading this text would understand that she has a 44% chance of benefiting from taking tamoxifen and less than a 1% chance of experiencing the associated risks.
If the ad used relative risk consistently, it would say that women who took tamoxifen had 44% fewer breast cancers and 253% more endometrial (uterine) cancers. Or alternatively, if Zeneca wants to use the absolute numbers to assert that women have a less than 1% chance of being harmed by tamoxifen, the ad should also explain that in absolute terms the women have only a 1-2% chance of benefiting from the drug depending on their underlying risk of getting breast cancer in the first place.
We hope the FDA will act quickly and strongly... This is not the first misleading advertisement of this promotional campaign... Tamoxifen is not a risk-free drug. Healthy women have already died as a result of taking tamoxifen..."
**************************
Many doctors prescribe tamoxifen as a matter of course to virtually all women with breast cancer, regarless of age or whether they have a uterus and apparently without regard to the National Cancer Institute study warning against such indiscriminate use. (p. 229-232) For the most part, it's only in the United States that doctors still believe tamoxifen significantly prevents or reverses breast cancer. In fact, now even the National Cancer Institute has come out with a statement that in all but a very narrow group of women under the age of 60, tamoxifen may do more harm than good in terms of preventing cancer. Despite this, the Food and Drug Administration just approved the use of tamoxifen to treat a form of breast cancer known as ductal carcinoma in situ or DCIS. (These are not breast cancers at all - but benign tumors.) (p.10)
If the side effects of tamoxifen are this bad, why is it being used at all, and why is it being trumpeted so loudly as the great cure-all, to the extent that the FDA approved its use as a preventive? ... It's the lesser of many evils; it's better than nothing. Theoretically - on paper, in test tubes and in laboratory animals - tamoxifen looks promising and the rationale for using it is based on solid scientific foundations. (p.9)
Just in case you're wondering about the profitability of a drug like tamoxifen, it's estimated that at least 60% of women with breast cancer are taking tamoxifen and at a cost of about $1,000 per year each, that's one billion dollars a year going into the pockets of the drug companies. (p. 232)
********************************************
Update – July, 2006 in the magazine, Cancer
Tamoxifen Fails to Reduce Breast Cancer Risk in Most Women
by Allison Gandey
A new study suggests that current recommendations for tamoxifen use should be amended to promote the drug for only the highest-risk women.
March 10, 2006: Friday - Tamoxifen: its Warning Label should read...
Excerpts taken from Dr. John R. Lee, M.D.'s book,
"What Your Doctor May Not Tell You about Breast Cancer." (published 2003)
"Tamoxifen is a synthetic, non-steriod drug that competes with estrogens for binding to the estrogen receptors in some parts of the body, including the breast. When estrogens bind the estrogen receptors in cells of the breast or uterus, for example, this activates cell growth and division. When tamoxifen occupies the estrogen receptor in place of the estrogen, it paralyzes the receptor, preventing it from triggering the events that result in (cancerous) cell division.... (In early studies), researchers discovered that tamoxifen did not kill cancer cells but put them into a deep sleep or quiescence. The negative side of this type of drug is that when estrogen is added back in, the cells begin to divide again.
Since 70-80% of all breast cancers contain estrogen receptors, this provided a strong impetus to test tamoxifen's anti-cancer effects in women with breast cancer and clinical trials began in the early 1970s. After the first studies, it was clear that following the first 5 years of use, the cancer-protective benefit waned. It was also clear that tamoxifen didn't work for breast cancer tumors that weren't estrogen-driven or when the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes.
Further, numerous serious side effects of the drug emerged. It has been clearly established in both animal and human studies that tamoxifen quickly causes thickening of the uterus (and that) in the first studies, a significant number of women died of uterine cancer. In response, the World Health Organization listed tamoxifen as a cancer-causing drug. (p.221-223)
*************************
Note: The WHO formerly listed tamoxifen as a cancer-causing drug. Today - Nov. 2007 - it is listed a ‘essential’ in the fight against cancer.
*************************
Continuing...
In a large study funded by the National Cancer Institute known as the Breast Cancer Prevention Trial, 13,000 women without breast cancer were given either tamoxifen or a placebo for six years or less (the average was three years.) Reportedly, 154 of the women receiving the placebo developed invasive breast cancer while only 85 women on tamoxifen did. The study had been planned to extend longer but was cut short, it's claimed, so those women on the placebo could switch to tamoxifen.
Among the women taking tamoxifen, 33 developed uterine cancer compared to only 14 in the placebo group.
Among women taking tamoxifen, 18 developed pulmonary embolism (blood clot) and 3 died compared to 6 taking placebos.
Among the women taking tamoxifen, 33 developed deep vein thrombosis (blood clot in a major vein); 22 on placebos.
Among the women taking tamoxifen, 38 women had a stroke; 24 while on the placebo.
All these side effects are well-known effects of excess estrogen. Remember, all of the above women were healthy when they entered into the trial! (p.224)
"What Your Doctor May Not Tell You about Breast Cancer." (published 2003)
"Tamoxifen is a synthetic, non-steriod drug that competes with estrogens for binding to the estrogen receptors in some parts of the body, including the breast. When estrogens bind the estrogen receptors in cells of the breast or uterus, for example, this activates cell growth and division. When tamoxifen occupies the estrogen receptor in place of the estrogen, it paralyzes the receptor, preventing it from triggering the events that result in (cancerous) cell division.... (In early studies), researchers discovered that tamoxifen did not kill cancer cells but put them into a deep sleep or quiescence. The negative side of this type of drug is that when estrogen is added back in, the cells begin to divide again.
Since 70-80% of all breast cancers contain estrogen receptors, this provided a strong impetus to test tamoxifen's anti-cancer effects in women with breast cancer and clinical trials began in the early 1970s. After the first studies, it was clear that following the first 5 years of use, the cancer-protective benefit waned. It was also clear that tamoxifen didn't work for breast cancer tumors that weren't estrogen-driven or when the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes.
Further, numerous serious side effects of the drug emerged. It has been clearly established in both animal and human studies that tamoxifen quickly causes thickening of the uterus (and that) in the first studies, a significant number of women died of uterine cancer. In response, the World Health Organization listed tamoxifen as a cancer-causing drug. (p.221-223)
*************************
Note: The WHO formerly listed tamoxifen as a cancer-causing drug. Today - Nov. 2007 - it is listed a ‘essential’ in the fight against cancer.
*************************
Continuing...
In a large study funded by the National Cancer Institute known as the Breast Cancer Prevention Trial, 13,000 women without breast cancer were given either tamoxifen or a placebo for six years or less (the average was three years.) Reportedly, 154 of the women receiving the placebo developed invasive breast cancer while only 85 women on tamoxifen did. The study had been planned to extend longer but was cut short, it's claimed, so those women on the placebo could switch to tamoxifen.
Among the women taking tamoxifen, 33 developed uterine cancer compared to only 14 in the placebo group.
Among women taking tamoxifen, 18 developed pulmonary embolism (blood clot) and 3 died compared to 6 taking placebos.
Among the women taking tamoxifen, 33 developed deep vein thrombosis (blood clot in a major vein); 22 on placebos.
Among the women taking tamoxifen, 38 women had a stroke; 24 while on the placebo.
All these side effects are well-known effects of excess estrogen. Remember, all of the above women were healthy when they entered into the trial! (p.224)
March 10, 2006: Friday – Work with the System
I had a wonderful morning after getting past a panic attack! Feelings and thoughts loomed up like ugly snake heads: Surgery is to be a week from today! One short week.... seven days. Count them: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven days! Am I as healthy as I can possibly be? Has everything been done that could be done? Still fretting, I knelt in prayer. Recalled to me were all my blessings and it calmed me down.
I picked up the Book of Mormon to read it. It fell open somewhere towards the end of the book, to Ether 9. Hmmm. I don't remember anything remarkable about this chapter but let's just go with it and see if there's any specific message for me, here and now, today. Little did I know!
Chapter 9 talks about a people (King Omer and all) who left their homeland because insurgents (in the form of the king's rebellious son) had overtaken the government via the implementation of a 'wicked and secret society.' For the next three generations, the two peoples lived apart. The king's people - they who were righteous - lived long and prospered.
Ether 9:21-22:
And Emer (another of the king's sons) did execute judgment in righteousness all his days, and he begat Coriantum... and anointed Coriantum to reign in his stead.' (The rebellious, however, did not live long or peacefully.)
And after he (Emer) had anointed Coriantum (his son, - 3rd generation) to reign in his stead, he lived four years; and he saw peace in the land; yea, and he even saw the Son of Righteousness, and did rejoice and glory in his day; and he died in peace.
What about the 'secret society' that separated these two peoples? They are described as 'secret combinations' (like the Mafia) with 'oaths given them who sought power' for the purpose of getting power and gain; which societies seek to 'overthrow the freedom of all lands.' One readily thinks of government conspiracies ("One World Order") but might there also be other conspiracies such as powerful drug and pharmaceutical companies that tie medical doctor's hands? How can any good man (like my doctor) wish to be a part of them, if this supposition is even partly true?
After pondering this question, I reasoned that a good man (or woman) who desires to do the most good for the most people most of the time would do well to become a doctor (nurse, etc.) and that if the 'system' is corrupt - a little or a lot - it is much more effective to work within the system to change things than outside of it. To date, we have much, much to be thankful for regarding the medical community, not the least reason of which is the many advances made in diagnostic instruments that help pinpoint disease and because of early detection, help more people to live long and prosperous lives.
I picked up the Book of Mormon to read it. It fell open somewhere towards the end of the book, to Ether 9. Hmmm. I don't remember anything remarkable about this chapter but let's just go with it and see if there's any specific message for me, here and now, today. Little did I know!
Chapter 9 talks about a people (King Omer and all) who left their homeland because insurgents (in the form of the king's rebellious son) had overtaken the government via the implementation of a 'wicked and secret society.' For the next three generations, the two peoples lived apart. The king's people - they who were righteous - lived long and prospered.
Ether 9:21-22:
And Emer (another of the king's sons) did execute judgment in righteousness all his days, and he begat Coriantum... and anointed Coriantum to reign in his stead.' (The rebellious, however, did not live long or peacefully.)
And after he (Emer) had anointed Coriantum (his son, - 3rd generation) to reign in his stead, he lived four years; and he saw peace in the land; yea, and he even saw the Son of Righteousness, and did rejoice and glory in his day; and he died in peace.
What about the 'secret society' that separated these two peoples? They are described as 'secret combinations' (like the Mafia) with 'oaths given them who sought power' for the purpose of getting power and gain; which societies seek to 'overthrow the freedom of all lands.' One readily thinks of government conspiracies ("One World Order") but might there also be other conspiracies such as powerful drug and pharmaceutical companies that tie medical doctor's hands? How can any good man (like my doctor) wish to be a part of them, if this supposition is even partly true?
After pondering this question, I reasoned that a good man (or woman) who desires to do the most good for the most people most of the time would do well to become a doctor (nurse, etc.) and that if the 'system' is corrupt - a little or a lot - it is much more effective to work within the system to change things than outside of it. To date, we have much, much to be thankful for regarding the medical community, not the least reason of which is the many advances made in diagnostic instruments that help pinpoint disease and because of early detection, help more people to live long and prosperous lives.
March 9, 2006: Thursday: Medical history interview
In a comprehensive medical interview taken over the phone by a hospital employee, a few questions were asked that struck me as odd. (I'd already answered most/all these questions for both the surgeon and the oncologist's offices. Now the hospital itself wanted its own record. I guess all bases must be thoroughly covered 'just in case'!) The employee talked rapidly and wrote as fast as she could. One answer I gave caught her quite off-guard.
Question: Have you ever had a serious illness? (She rattled off several).
I said, "No. No. No. Yes, I had osteoporosis. But I don't have that now." You could hear how stunned she was as she involuntarily said, "How'd you get rid of it?" I told her about Reliv.
To my limited knowledge, these were odd questions:
Question: Have you recently lost a lot of weight?
Answer: No. I've lost some, but not a lot.
(Update: I asked the surgeon’s nurse, Evie, why this question was asked. Was it solely because when a person finds out they've been diagnosed with cancer, they begin to worry and that the resulting weight loss is not good for their immune system / attitude? Or is there actually something to cancer that it causes you to lose a lot of weight?
Evie said, "A little of both. Losing a lot of weight without trying is one of the seven danger signs of cancer." I’ve since learned that doctors look for a rapid weight loss of 7 pounds or more, that is, if you haven’t been trying to lose weight.
Question: Have you had any x-rays taken in the last 6 months?
Answer: I had x-rays taken in January prior to having a tooth capped, a bone density test, x-rays after an accident, and a mammogram.
I asked why this question was asked. Her response was: "You are asked that just because we want to know if you've had any mammograms done at any other facility other than St. Alphonsus. If so, they might give us more or better information." I didn't point out to her that that wasn't exactly her question. “Have you had any x-rays taken? is different from “Have you had any mammograms taken recently?”)
Note:
”A summer 2000 study... looked at data collected over 40 years.. of women with scoliosis who received many diagnostic x-rays during childhood and adolescence. (They had a) 70% higher risk of breast cancer than women in the general population. The more x-rays a woman was exposed to, and the higher the dose of radiation, the greater her risk of breast cancer. Although the dose of radiation in a typical x-ray is now much lower than it was when these women were being x0-rayed, the point is still valid: Radiation is a potent risk factor for breast cancer; its effect is cumulative and mammography involves forcefully squashing the breast and then shooting radiation through it." Source: What Your Doctor May Not Tell You about Breast Cancer, by Dr. John R. Lee, M.D., p.11:
Question: At what age did you first start menstruating? When was your first child born? How many pregnancies?
Answer: 11. 19. 2.
Question: Are you allergic to plastic?
Answer: Not that I know of. Her question did call to mind the years I worked in a plastics factory when a teenager. Did this environment 'encourage' cancer?
Question: Have you ever suffered any physical abuse?
Answer: Yes, but that was over 30 years ago and not an issue with me anymore.
Her question raised a question in my mind: If conventional medicine doesn't believe that healing is could be a matter of 'mind over matter,' why do they ask such questions? Or, taking the opposite point of view: How could they believe on the one hand that it could possibly be and on the other, discount such a recovery course to a patient because it hasn't been 'scientifically proven'?
Question: Have you ever smoked? How long ago? For how long? How much a day?
Answer: Yes. I quit 33 years ago. I smoked previously to that for 7 years, a pack a day.
Do educators use this kind of information - that it can still effect your body long, long, long after you've quit! - when warning teens against smoking?
Question: What is the best way you learn? By sight or by hearing?
Answer: By sight.
At the end of the interview, she proceeded to give me a detailed description of how to get to the hospital building the morning of the 17th. I stopped her half-way and said, "Please tell my husband all this. Remember I learn best by sight, not by hearing?" She said, "Oh, yeah." Rex took the phone and understood all she described. Pretty funny!)
Question: Have you ever had a serious illness? (She rattled off several).
I said, "No. No. No. Yes, I had osteoporosis. But I don't have that now." You could hear how stunned she was as she involuntarily said, "How'd you get rid of it?" I told her about Reliv.
To my limited knowledge, these were odd questions:
Question: Have you recently lost a lot of weight?
Answer: No. I've lost some, but not a lot.
(Update: I asked the surgeon’s nurse, Evie, why this question was asked. Was it solely because when a person finds out they've been diagnosed with cancer, they begin to worry and that the resulting weight loss is not good for their immune system / attitude? Or is there actually something to cancer that it causes you to lose a lot of weight?
Evie said, "A little of both. Losing a lot of weight without trying is one of the seven danger signs of cancer." I’ve since learned that doctors look for a rapid weight loss of 7 pounds or more, that is, if you haven’t been trying to lose weight.
Question: Have you had any x-rays taken in the last 6 months?
Answer: I had x-rays taken in January prior to having a tooth capped, a bone density test, x-rays after an accident, and a mammogram.
I asked why this question was asked. Her response was: "You are asked that just because we want to know if you've had any mammograms done at any other facility other than St. Alphonsus. If so, they might give us more or better information." I didn't point out to her that that wasn't exactly her question. “Have you had any x-rays taken? is different from “Have you had any mammograms taken recently?”)
Note:
”A summer 2000 study... looked at data collected over 40 years.. of women with scoliosis who received many diagnostic x-rays during childhood and adolescence. (They had a) 70% higher risk of breast cancer than women in the general population. The more x-rays a woman was exposed to, and the higher the dose of radiation, the greater her risk of breast cancer. Although the dose of radiation in a typical x-ray is now much lower than it was when these women were being x0-rayed, the point is still valid: Radiation is a potent risk factor for breast cancer; its effect is cumulative and mammography involves forcefully squashing the breast and then shooting radiation through it." Source: What Your Doctor May Not Tell You about Breast Cancer, by Dr. John R. Lee, M.D., p.11:
Question: At what age did you first start menstruating? When was your first child born? How many pregnancies?
Answer: 11. 19. 2.
Question: Are you allergic to plastic?
Answer: Not that I know of. Her question did call to mind the years I worked in a plastics factory when a teenager. Did this environment 'encourage' cancer?
Question: Have you ever suffered any physical abuse?
Answer: Yes, but that was over 30 years ago and not an issue with me anymore.
Her question raised a question in my mind: If conventional medicine doesn't believe that healing is could be a matter of 'mind over matter,' why do they ask such questions? Or, taking the opposite point of view: How could they believe on the one hand that it could possibly be and on the other, discount such a recovery course to a patient because it hasn't been 'scientifically proven'?
Question: Have you ever smoked? How long ago? For how long? How much a day?
Answer: Yes. I quit 33 years ago. I smoked previously to that for 7 years, a pack a day.
Do educators use this kind of information - that it can still effect your body long, long, long after you've quit! - when warning teens against smoking?
Question: What is the best way you learn? By sight or by hearing?
Answer: By sight.
At the end of the interview, she proceeded to give me a detailed description of how to get to the hospital building the morning of the 17th. I stopped her half-way and said, "Please tell my husband all this. Remember I learn best by sight, not by hearing?" She said, "Oh, yeah." Rex took the phone and understood all she described. Pretty funny!)
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
March 9, 2006: Thursday - Talking to a Breast Cancer Survivor
I talked today with my neighbor, Jerry, a breast cancer survivor,. HE had cancer two and a half years ago. He had a mastectomy on one side and a year later, had an elective mastectomy on the other side. He had chemotherapy first and then radiation. The chemotherapy was bad; the radiation was OK. He's now on tamoxifen. No side effects except he has trouble losing weight.
The other is a cousin I’ll call Donna. She lives in a small town about 4 hours from us. Donna is 62. She had a mammogram and a lump was found. She followed her doctor's advice without question. He advised her that because she was small-breasted to begin with, it was better to have a mastectomy instead of a lumpectomy. He said that by the time the lump was removed, she'd not have much breast left anyway. Donna also did not want radiation - no way, no how! (She said.) Having a mastectomy takes care of that. There's nothing to radiate after the breast is gone so ... no radiation. She didn't have to have chemotherapy because the cancer wasn't in the lymph nodes. She is now on tamoxifen for 5 years. That was about two weeks ago. She's feeling good and going back to work soon.
I listened and asked questions but did not make any comments. I was seething inside. Her cancer was not much bigger than mine (Stage 1 - no chemotherapy. Her tumor is 1.7 cm.; mine is 1.3 cm.). She’s also a bigger person that I am. I couldn’t believe that her doctor advised taking the whole breast! It all happened so fast: one week from the time of the lump's discovery to the mastectomy. All I could think was, Butcher!
I received get-well cards from two friends today. The 'angel' who called me today was my brother, Chuck. We had a very nice chat. It was so sweet of him to call.
Also, my friend Karen came over and gave me a quick lesson on how to do yoga. (At least one research scientist believes poorly oxygenated cells are a contributing cause of cancer.) So, I’ll give it a try…. Karen was sweet. She said that she'd tried to put herself in my shoes and the 'what-ifs' were overwhelming. Her voice caught when she said that. I knew then that she did really understand at least in part. Few there are that can genuinely empathize. She is one.
The other is a cousin I’ll call Donna. She lives in a small town about 4 hours from us. Donna is 62. She had a mammogram and a lump was found. She followed her doctor's advice without question. He advised her that because she was small-breasted to begin with, it was better to have a mastectomy instead of a lumpectomy. He said that by the time the lump was removed, she'd not have much breast left anyway. Donna also did not want radiation - no way, no how! (She said.) Having a mastectomy takes care of that. There's nothing to radiate after the breast is gone so ... no radiation. She didn't have to have chemotherapy because the cancer wasn't in the lymph nodes. She is now on tamoxifen for 5 years. That was about two weeks ago. She's feeling good and going back to work soon.
I listened and asked questions but did not make any comments. I was seething inside. Her cancer was not much bigger than mine (Stage 1 - no chemotherapy. Her tumor is 1.7 cm.; mine is 1.3 cm.). She’s also a bigger person that I am. I couldn’t believe that her doctor advised taking the whole breast! It all happened so fast: one week from the time of the lump's discovery to the mastectomy. All I could think was, Butcher!
I received get-well cards from two friends today. The 'angel' who called me today was my brother, Chuck. We had a very nice chat. It was so sweet of him to call.
Also, my friend Karen came over and gave me a quick lesson on how to do yoga. (At least one research scientist believes poorly oxygenated cells are a contributing cause of cancer.) So, I’ll give it a try…. Karen was sweet. She said that she'd tried to put herself in my shoes and the 'what-ifs' were overwhelming. Her voice caught when she said that. I knew then that she did really understand at least in part. Few there are that can genuinely empathize. She is one.
March 8, 2006: Wednesday - Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself
I took a mind 'journey' on Tuesday designed to heal, from an emotional / psychological standpoint, the reason the cancer started or became activated. The techniques involved use visualization as a healing agent. It began with the observation and question: The cancer is literally right over my heart. Is it 'protecting' my heart from something and if so, what? The answer that came into my mind was ‘love hurts.’ That’s what my background taught me about love. Over the years, the emotions became manifested in the physical form of cancer.
The 'journey' continued and helped me re-define what love truly is: a combination of peace, harmony, and beauty. I said in my heart, "I will feel Heavenly Father's infinite love for all his creations.” My heart asked, “Why is it that He created us?” and the spirit answered, “To give expression to the pure love he has - for himself.” Think about that for a moment! In the Bible, the second of two great commandments given us is to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. (Lev. 19:18 & Matt. 22:39)
My friend, Anna, gave me a few 'get well' gifts yesterday. (Rex brought them back up with him.) One was a bag of dark chocolate Hershey candy kisses! Another was a book titled, "Draw Near Unto Me" - Daily Reflections on the Doctrine and Covenants. When I took this book in my hands, I felt a very strong, loving spirit accompany it.
A third 'gift' from Anna was a personal note. She'd been reading in the Doctrine and Covenants, Section 42 and had come to verses 48–53. These ‘spoke’ so loudly to her, she just had to write. In particular, verse 48: It shall come to pass that he that hath faith in me to be healed and is not appointed unto death, shall be healed. Anna wrote, 'That's you, Pat! You have the faith to be healed!" Additionally, verse 53 reads: Thou shalt stand in the place of thy stewardship. Anna said, "That's the work that you do, Pat! No one else is doing what you do. You are needed!"
I thank the Lord for such good, loving friends... As if to confirm Anna’s inspired statements, we received several orders for northern New York genealogical publications. This was unusual in that I had not advertised these works at all for the past month.
The 'journey' continued and helped me re-define what love truly is: a combination of peace, harmony, and beauty. I said in my heart, "I will feel Heavenly Father's infinite love for all his creations.” My heart asked, “Why is it that He created us?” and the spirit answered, “To give expression to the pure love he has - for himself.” Think about that for a moment! In the Bible, the second of two great commandments given us is to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. (Lev. 19:18 & Matt. 22:39)
My friend, Anna, gave me a few 'get well' gifts yesterday. (Rex brought them back up with him.) One was a bag of dark chocolate Hershey candy kisses! Another was a book titled, "Draw Near Unto Me" - Daily Reflections on the Doctrine and Covenants. When I took this book in my hands, I felt a very strong, loving spirit accompany it.
A third 'gift' from Anna was a personal note. She'd been reading in the Doctrine and Covenants, Section 42 and had come to verses 48–53. These ‘spoke’ so loudly to her, she just had to write. In particular, verse 48: It shall come to pass that he that hath faith in me to be healed and is not appointed unto death, shall be healed. Anna wrote, 'That's you, Pat! You have the faith to be healed!" Additionally, verse 53 reads: Thou shalt stand in the place of thy stewardship. Anna said, "That's the work that you do, Pat! No one else is doing what you do. You are needed!"
I thank the Lord for such good, loving friends... As if to confirm Anna’s inspired statements, we received several orders for northern New York genealogical publications. This was unusual in that I had not advertised these works at all for the past month.
March 7, 2006: Tuesday – Reliv's SoySentials
Rex went down to Boise without me today. He had made an appointment to have maintenance done on his truck. He didn’t return until about 8-9 PM. He went to the temple. I know that he prayed for me. I didn’t go as I had caught a bad cold. Would I be able to keep the March 17th appointment for my lumpectomy? It seemed ironic to me that I should be taking all this immune-building Reliv product and come down with a cold. Then I thought that perhaps I needed the extra couple of weeks to strengthen my body before the operation.
I called a gentleman who lives in South Carolina. He graciously talked with me about the ingredients found in Reliv’s SoySentials product and the formula he used to beat his cancer. His story is that he’d been diagnosed about 10 years ago with non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and for the next 8 years, received a round of chemo each year lasting approximately 6 months. Why 8 years? At the beginning of each year, he had a PET scan done and it revealed he had cancer – again. He said he had tried everything under the sun, including juicing all his food. In Sept. 2004, he heard about Reliv and decided to give it a shot. Since that time, he has not had another chemotherapy treatment. He continues to have PET scans (CT?) and they show that his tumors are either benign or have gone. The last scan revealed that even the benign tumors are beginning to shrink.
As our conversation lengthened, he began to tell me what was in Reliv’s SoySentials. I about lost my teeth! He said it had grape seed extract! No wonder I had felt by the spirit after my visit to Dr. H…. (the hypnotist) that I shouldn’t worry about finding a source for grape seed extract; that the Reliv products would have the same effect!
The ‘angel’ who called today was a ‘brother’ in the stake that knows Rex well. He said that he and his wife had been to the temple about noon and asked that special prayers be said for me. He specifically said, “We’re asking for divine intervention in your case.”
Truly Heavenly Father’s hand was clearly shown in the events of this day!
I called a gentleman who lives in South Carolina. He graciously talked with me about the ingredients found in Reliv’s SoySentials product and the formula he used to beat his cancer. His story is that he’d been diagnosed about 10 years ago with non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and for the next 8 years, received a round of chemo each year lasting approximately 6 months. Why 8 years? At the beginning of each year, he had a PET scan done and it revealed he had cancer – again. He said he had tried everything under the sun, including juicing all his food. In Sept. 2004, he heard about Reliv and decided to give it a shot. Since that time, he has not had another chemotherapy treatment. He continues to have PET scans (CT?) and they show that his tumors are either benign or have gone. The last scan revealed that even the benign tumors are beginning to shrink.
As our conversation lengthened, he began to tell me what was in Reliv’s SoySentials. I about lost my teeth! He said it had grape seed extract! No wonder I had felt by the spirit after my visit to Dr. H…. (the hypnotist) that I shouldn’t worry about finding a source for grape seed extract; that the Reliv products would have the same effect!
The ‘angel’ who called today was a ‘brother’ in the stake that knows Rex well. He said that he and his wife had been to the temple about noon and asked that special prayers be said for me. He specifically said, “We’re asking for divine intervention in your case.”
Truly Heavenly Father’s hand was clearly shown in the events of this day!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
March 6, 2006: Monday – The truth about Reliv’s ReversAge; Alma 46:40
Every day, I do the hypnosis cd, read my Title of Liberty, read my Prayer to Heavenly Father, study my scriptures, and ask in prayer what He would have me know / learn that day. I felt impressed today to study scripture references dealing with health. In our scripture’s index, I ran through the verses in the Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, and Doctrine & Covenants. One verse in particular electrified me. It was if I was reading it for the first time for a whole new meaning occurred to me. It was Alma 46:40. This verse speaks of the people who inhabited the Nephite lands after (my!) Capt. Moroni had won freedom and liberty for them.
“There were some who died with fevers, which at some seasons of the year were very frequent in the land – but not so much so with fevers, because of the excellent qualities of the many plants and roots which God had prepared to remove the cause of diseases, to which men were subject by the nature of the climate…”
“Remove” I interpreted, could mean several things. It could mean prevention of disease but it could also mean exactly what it said: remove the cause of the disease. Could it be possible that this affliction would be removed from me because of the excellent qualities of what I am taking?
One thing I felt impressed to do today was to read over the ingredients and compounds found in Reliv’s ReversAge. This is the product I took that gave me such marvelous results re: osteoporosis. (I’d stopped taking it when I started on the Cancer Formula given me.) I’d never previously read the 10 page informational report. When I did tonight, I fairly whooped for joy! A couple of compounds especially (as found by credible scientific researchers and facilities) have cancer-fighting properties. One, resveratrol (protykin) says that it encourages apoptosis (natural death) in cancer cells. Yes! I decided to begin again taking ReversAge at night before going to bed.
No sooner had I finished reading the report, when about 20 minutes later a friend of a friend called me. Janice had just come off a Conference Call whose purpose was to train those who wish to make Reliv a business in how to be better salespeople.
Janice was all jazzed up. However, she didn’t ‘encourage’ me too much to listen to a later version because she knows my situation at present. She did, however, tell me of a visit she recently had with a woman whose husband’s cancer ‘disappeared’ after taking Reliv. Ellie N…has a recorded call that anyone can call into and listen to their remarkable story. 1-212-990-7093. Janice gave me several other numbers of people who’ve had cancer and have been helped tremendously in their recovery using Reliv products. She then showed how much of an angel of God she unwittingly was by relaying that these people who beat cancer had taken several shakes a day of …. ReversAge.
What greater witness do I need then the three that were given me today?
“There were some who died with fevers, which at some seasons of the year were very frequent in the land – but not so much so with fevers, because of the excellent qualities of the many plants and roots which God had prepared to remove the cause of diseases, to which men were subject by the nature of the climate…”
“Remove” I interpreted, could mean several things. It could mean prevention of disease but it could also mean exactly what it said: remove the cause of the disease. Could it be possible that this affliction would be removed from me because of the excellent qualities of what I am taking?
One thing I felt impressed to do today was to read over the ingredients and compounds found in Reliv’s ReversAge. This is the product I took that gave me such marvelous results re: osteoporosis. (I’d stopped taking it when I started on the Cancer Formula given me.) I’d never previously read the 10 page informational report. When I did tonight, I fairly whooped for joy! A couple of compounds especially (as found by credible scientific researchers and facilities) have cancer-fighting properties. One, resveratrol (protykin) says that it encourages apoptosis (natural death) in cancer cells. Yes! I decided to begin again taking ReversAge at night before going to bed.
No sooner had I finished reading the report, when about 20 minutes later a friend of a friend called me. Janice had just come off a Conference Call whose purpose was to train those who wish to make Reliv a business in how to be better salespeople.
Janice was all jazzed up. However, she didn’t ‘encourage’ me too much to listen to a later version because she knows my situation at present. She did, however, tell me of a visit she recently had with a woman whose husband’s cancer ‘disappeared’ after taking Reliv. Ellie N…has a recorded call that anyone can call into and listen to their remarkable story. 1-212-990-7093. Janice gave me several other numbers of people who’ve had cancer and have been helped tremendously in their recovery using Reliv products. She then showed how much of an angel of God she unwittingly was by relaying that these people who beat cancer had taken several shakes a day of …. ReversAge.
What greater witness do I need then the three that were given me today?
March 5, 2006: Sunday - Family Support: "General Sue Be Healing"
As is usual for LDS faithful on the first Sunday of each month, Rex and I fasted and prayed today. No food or water for two meals. My special request was that I’d be able to ‘see’ how my tumor was being taken care of for in my Prayer to Heavenly Father, I’d specifically asked that the tumor either shrink measurably or test out to be benign upon surgery. I was having a hard time seeing either alternative as I meditated with the hypnosis cd.
I did receive an answer today. It came in the form of an impression. The tumor would be taken care of in Heavenly Father’s own way. That way will be different from either way I’d prayed for. The reason is, wondrously, the doctors have something to learn!
I bore my testimony in Sacrament. I told them that I’d been given some unique promises in the blessings I’d received. One was about the involvement of family and friends – how much their support, etc. would help me. I testified that since this has come to pass as there hasn’t been hardly a day that has gone by that I haven’t received a phone call, email, or card (often 2-3) from well-wishers. It’s been truly awesome and such an immeasurable blessing.
Later this evening, Sue and I were on the Family Chat. I still haven’t gotten out to my sisters my Title of Liberty but I told Sue she was one of my ‘generals.’ We even gave her a title: Gen. Sue Be Healing.
I thanked Sue for the card she’d sent by snail mail. The poem was very touching and uplifting. The inscription she wrote inside the card read, “I think of you often and hope that you find that God’s love brings you comfort and great peace of mind. And always remember I really do care – If you think I can help, please just call. I’ll be there.” Sue signed it: “My prayers are with you also. Love, Susy & Billy.” Her message and the poem’s are truly cherished and treasured.
You Are Never Alone
By Emily Matthews
There’s a wonderful peace in just knowing
that God never leaves us alone.
And whether we feel He is with us or not,
He loves us and calls us His own.
His Word is our hope, and our comfort;
a refuge when life brings our way
Those times we need wisdom and guidance
and strength to sustain us each day.
I did receive an answer today. It came in the form of an impression. The tumor would be taken care of in Heavenly Father’s own way. That way will be different from either way I’d prayed for. The reason is, wondrously, the doctors have something to learn!
I bore my testimony in Sacrament. I told them that I’d been given some unique promises in the blessings I’d received. One was about the involvement of family and friends – how much their support, etc. would help me. I testified that since this has come to pass as there hasn’t been hardly a day that has gone by that I haven’t received a phone call, email, or card (often 2-3) from well-wishers. It’s been truly awesome and such an immeasurable blessing.
Later this evening, Sue and I were on the Family Chat. I still haven’t gotten out to my sisters my Title of Liberty but I told Sue she was one of my ‘generals.’ We even gave her a title: Gen. Sue Be Healing.
I thanked Sue for the card she’d sent by snail mail. The poem was very touching and uplifting. The inscription she wrote inside the card read, “I think of you often and hope that you find that God’s love brings you comfort and great peace of mind. And always remember I really do care – If you think I can help, please just call. I’ll be there.” Sue signed it: “My prayers are with you also. Love, Susy & Billy.” Her message and the poem’s are truly cherished and treasured.
You Are Never Alone
By Emily Matthews
There’s a wonderful peace in just knowing
that God never leaves us alone.
And whether we feel He is with us or not,
He loves us and calls us His own.
His Word is our hope, and our comfort;
a refuge when life brings our way
Those times we need wisdom and guidance
and strength to sustain us each day.
Monday, November 12, 2007
March 4, 2006: Saturday – What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Breast Cancer"
When Rex and I arrived home from the basketball game late last night, I thought I’d skim through a few pages of the book Glenda gave me to read:
“What Your Doctor May NOT Tell You About Breast Cancer”
How Hormone Balance Can Help Save Your Life
By John R. Lee, MD, David Zava, PhD and Virginia Hopkins, published 2003
What I intended to be ‘for just a few minutes” ended up to be for 3 hours. I went to sleep about 3:30 AM! Whereas my medical doctor had said just yesterday that there was no way to know if I was estrogen-receptive (ER) positive or negative until the lumpectomy, this book gave me enough clues to have a good idea. The reason this is so important is that at least in some of the cases of the pro-active steps I am taking now, some might be helpful and some might be harmful depending on if I am estrogen receptive positive or not. For instance, early studies of soy suggest that it helps if you are ER-negative but may be harmful if you are ER-positive. If you are ER positive and taking lots of soy products, the soy itself encourage the cancer cells to replicate. If you are ER negative, early studies show that soy does just the opposite: kills cancer cells.
It is frustrating to think (I may be all wrong on this!) that conventional medicine simply says: “We’re not going to take enough tissue samples at the biopsy to run an ER test because we don’t think it’s needful – It’s an unnecessary test at this point.” Perhaps they think that it’s only really needful after the biopsy when it’s known that the lump is cancerous and that that particular knowledge is pertinent in determining what type of hormone treatment, such as Tamoxifen, is going to be prescribed for future therapy. It seems like the fact that the cancer might grow larger or spread more during the time between biopsy and surgery doesn’t make a difference to the ‘establishment.’ After all, the procedure of radiation or chemotherapy is eventually going to take care of the extra size or spread.
In this book, I read enough to begin to put some of the puzzle pieces together – the ‘why’ of why I have cancer. It’s not a pretty picture, for one thing. For another, it scares me to death for my sisters’ sakes. I want to read this book a lot more in depth – perhaps Monday.
In the end, when I called it a night, I’d read one passage that gave me hope because it at least gave me something pro-active to do before surgery. Studies have shown that the normone, progesterone, aids in the cell’s natural death or apoptosis. It is known to work topically. Australian doctors give it to their patients 10 – 13 days before surgery for maximum results. I will buy progesterone cream to spread over the affected area twice daily. I have just enough time before surgery to do this!
“What Your Doctor May NOT Tell You About Breast Cancer”
How Hormone Balance Can Help Save Your Life
By John R. Lee, MD, David Zava, PhD and Virginia Hopkins, published 2003
What I intended to be ‘for just a few minutes” ended up to be for 3 hours. I went to sleep about 3:30 AM! Whereas my medical doctor had said just yesterday that there was no way to know if I was estrogen-receptive (ER) positive or negative until the lumpectomy, this book gave me enough clues to have a good idea. The reason this is so important is that at least in some of the cases of the pro-active steps I am taking now, some might be helpful and some might be harmful depending on if I am estrogen receptive positive or not. For instance, early studies of soy suggest that it helps if you are ER-negative but may be harmful if you are ER-positive. If you are ER positive and taking lots of soy products, the soy itself encourage the cancer cells to replicate. If you are ER negative, early studies show that soy does just the opposite: kills cancer cells.
It is frustrating to think (I may be all wrong on this!) that conventional medicine simply says: “We’re not going to take enough tissue samples at the biopsy to run an ER test because we don’t think it’s needful – It’s an unnecessary test at this point.” Perhaps they think that it’s only really needful after the biopsy when it’s known that the lump is cancerous and that that particular knowledge is pertinent in determining what type of hormone treatment, such as Tamoxifen, is going to be prescribed for future therapy. It seems like the fact that the cancer might grow larger or spread more during the time between biopsy and surgery doesn’t make a difference to the ‘establishment.’ After all, the procedure of radiation or chemotherapy is eventually going to take care of the extra size or spread.
In this book, I read enough to begin to put some of the puzzle pieces together – the ‘why’ of why I have cancer. It’s not a pretty picture, for one thing. For another, it scares me to death for my sisters’ sakes. I want to read this book a lot more in depth – perhaps Monday.
In the end, when I called it a night, I’d read one passage that gave me hope because it at least gave me something pro-active to do before surgery. Studies have shown that the normone, progesterone, aids in the cell’s natural death or apoptosis. It is known to work topically. Australian doctors give it to their patients 10 – 13 days before surgery for maximum results. I will buy progesterone cream to spread over the affected area twice daily. I have just enough time before surgery to do this!
March 3, 2006: Friday – Conventional Medicine’s Approach: Not!
We drove down to the valley to run some errands and go to our town’s high school basketball tournament playoffs. (They were in the running for 1st place.) We dropped by our doctor’s office (it’s an HMO) to learn what the results were of Rex’s PSA test that was done on Feb. 13th. To our surprise, our doctor was in and could see us. How’s that for a ‘gift’ from heaven? Dr. R… told Rex that his PSA result was pretty good. (Two years ago, his score was almost 7.00 and he had a biopsy done.) Today, it was 5.0. (Normal is about 3.0.) Rex told him he thought it was due to taking Essiac Tea.
My pH level was 6.5. Not bad. What could he tell me about that result? It turns out that medical doctors do take them but don’t have any knowledge about the advocacy of acid/alkaline levels pointing to cancer/health.
Next, I asked my doctor if he could give an educated guess as to if I was estrogen-receptor-positive or negative. He said there wasn’t any way to know that until I was operated on.
I asked him if he knew of anything I could do pro-actively now before the operation to help get maximum results. He smiled and said that he knew that subject would come up and promised to search and get info to me on Monday.
It was a comfort to be assured of his expressed interest and willingness to help.
At the basketball game, Rex and I sat in bleachers surrounded mostly by people we didn’t know. As I watched the game, an inner battle was raging. I was frustrated that in all that I’d read and heard so far, conventional medicine’s approach to cancer did not give the diagnosed person anything particularly pro-active to do in the way of actual healing. (Generally speaking, their advice is ‘keep your appetite up and keep up a good attitude.’) The feeling of being alone in a crowd of people came over me. I was now one of an exclusive ‘club’ – cancer’s newest victim. I felt isolated somehow and I marveled at how often I had sat on other occasions at similar games and events and been innocently ignorant of my fellow human beings having major diseases! My empathy for those others now that surely must be in the crowd around me surfaced and my heart was filled with prayer for all of us.
My pH level was 6.5. Not bad. What could he tell me about that result? It turns out that medical doctors do take them but don’t have any knowledge about the advocacy of acid/alkaline levels pointing to cancer/health.
Next, I asked my doctor if he could give an educated guess as to if I was estrogen-receptor-positive or negative. He said there wasn’t any way to know that until I was operated on.
I asked him if he knew of anything I could do pro-actively now before the operation to help get maximum results. He smiled and said that he knew that subject would come up and promised to search and get info to me on Monday.
It was a comfort to be assured of his expressed interest and willingness to help.
At the basketball game, Rex and I sat in bleachers surrounded mostly by people we didn’t know. As I watched the game, an inner battle was raging. I was frustrated that in all that I’d read and heard so far, conventional medicine’s approach to cancer did not give the diagnosed person anything particularly pro-active to do in the way of actual healing. (Generally speaking, their advice is ‘keep your appetite up and keep up a good attitude.’) The feeling of being alone in a crowd of people came over me. I was now one of an exclusive ‘club’ – cancer’s newest victim. I felt isolated somehow and I marveled at how often I had sat on other occasions at similar games and events and been innocently ignorant of my fellow human beings having major diseases! My empathy for those others now that surely must be in the crowd around me surfaced and my heart was filled with prayer for all of us.
March 3, 2006: Friday – Shaping Pro-active Approaches to Health Recovery
First thing I did this morning was take a pH test. The strip showed I was very acidic but how much was hard to tell because the drug store strips don’t give much detail. (It’s rather like taking a cholesterol or bone test at the grocery store.) Needless to say, this was upsetting news. I asked myself how in the world I was going to raise my level – whatever it was – to ‘normal’ or slightly alkaline – with only 2 weeks until the operation?
Rex commiserated but I got the impression that my desperation in searching among natural cures for those that will help immediately is beginning to wear thin on him. I could see that this was not a good thing – getting almost panicky about where to find what information. So, I prayed to Heavenly Father about this quandary. Into my mind came the impression to ask Rex for another blessing (my fourth). Whereas the first two were for comfort, peace and/or strength, this time it would be for knowledge on how to approach my studies and research; what would be helpful under the present circumstances. When I asked him, he agreed wholeheartedly (almost relieved.)
The blessing was (again) beautiful. I wrote down what I could remember afterwards:
While taking in a myriad amount of information, I would forget (or it wouldn’t leave an impression on me) the info that’s not especially to my good. Additionally, the information that I do gather would be not only for the immediate future, but for always.
Concerning the information that I do gather, I’d be able to put that knowledge into a comprehensible form so that it would help others in the future.
I was counseled to use the gift of discernment; to know by seeking the Spirit what, for me, is ‘truth.’ I would be blessed with the strength to not be swayed by well-intended people for there would be people would tell me of things unnecessary and inessential.
I was to know that there will angels nearby and in attendance to see me (us) through.
Rex remembered that the blessing also included the reminder that the ‘Earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof’ (1 Cor. 10:26… Ps.24:1) Heavenly Father put plants and herbs here to help nourish and heal us and the knowledge exists to use it to help the body become well. (Alma 46:40 talks of the ‘…many excellent qualities of the many plants and roots which God had prepared to remove the cause of diseases…”) It surprised me that Rex remembered this and I didn’t for it has been Rex all along that leaned more toward conventional therapy.
Rex commiserated but I got the impression that my desperation in searching among natural cures for those that will help immediately is beginning to wear thin on him. I could see that this was not a good thing – getting almost panicky about where to find what information. So, I prayed to Heavenly Father about this quandary. Into my mind came the impression to ask Rex for another blessing (my fourth). Whereas the first two were for comfort, peace and/or strength, this time it would be for knowledge on how to approach my studies and research; what would be helpful under the present circumstances. When I asked him, he agreed wholeheartedly (almost relieved.)
The blessing was (again) beautiful. I wrote down what I could remember afterwards:
While taking in a myriad amount of information, I would forget (or it wouldn’t leave an impression on me) the info that’s not especially to my good. Additionally, the information that I do gather would be not only for the immediate future, but for always.
Concerning the information that I do gather, I’d be able to put that knowledge into a comprehensible form so that it would help others in the future.
I was counseled to use the gift of discernment; to know by seeking the Spirit what, for me, is ‘truth.’ I would be blessed with the strength to not be swayed by well-intended people for there would be people would tell me of things unnecessary and inessential.
I was to know that there will angels nearby and in attendance to see me (us) through.
Rex remembered that the blessing also included the reminder that the ‘Earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof’ (1 Cor. 10:26… Ps.24:1) Heavenly Father put plants and herbs here to help nourish and heal us and the knowledge exists to use it to help the body become well. (Alma 46:40 talks of the ‘…many excellent qualities of the many plants and roots which God had prepared to remove the cause of diseases…”) It surprised me that Rex remembered this and I didn’t for it has been Rex all along that leaned more toward conventional therapy.
March 2, 2006: Thursday – pH factor study
I was upbeat all day. Felt like I began to live again today. Felt that my mind, body and spirit were in sync after ‘turning the corner’ yesterday. Went with my friend Karen to the health food store in McCall. (First visit.) I wanted to pick up some strips to test my pH level. I’d read in the book Janet sent over that cancer doesn’t live in a body that is slightly alkaline. Here was something I could do proactively to fight cancer. I’d researched a couple of websites yesterday and found a list of foods that were either acidic or alkaline and to what degree. We found what we were looking for (you can buy the strips in any drugstore) and bought alkaline inducing foods at the grocery store. The greatest benefit was just being out in the sun and with a good friend.
The website most helpful in understanding pH factors was at Carrie’s Potent Nutritional Supplements, All Natural Cancer Therapy. (http://bluegrass.net/~carrie73) It is there that I found a comprehensive explanation. It also gave a long list of foods based on their acidic / alkaline content ranging from very acidic to very alkaline. The thinking is that you are what you eat eventually. Lastly, if a person wants to bump up their pH level from acidic to slightly alkaline, they can take a product sold by a natural health company, Nature’s Way, called Coral Calcium. Great stuff!
Glenda had left a book for me to read yesterday and I called to thank her for her thoughtfulness. It’s “What Doctors May Not Tell You about Breast Cancer.” It is written by two doctors and a lay person. Looks like a good read.
Sabrina had called a couple of days ago asking after my health. Tonight we talked for a long while. She was curious about all aspects. Her own father went through prostate cancer surgery and radiation last year. She hears lots about natural health alternatives because her husband’s is way into that. Bree says she’s keeping an open mind. I appreciated her supportive comment.
The website most helpful in understanding pH factors was at Carrie’s Potent Nutritional Supplements, All Natural Cancer Therapy. (http://bluegrass.net/~carrie73) It is there that I found a comprehensive explanation. It also gave a long list of foods based on their acidic / alkaline content ranging from very acidic to very alkaline. The thinking is that you are what you eat eventually. Lastly, if a person wants to bump up their pH level from acidic to slightly alkaline, they can take a product sold by a natural health company, Nature’s Way, called Coral Calcium. Great stuff!
Glenda had left a book for me to read yesterday and I called to thank her for her thoughtfulness. It’s “What Doctors May Not Tell You about Breast Cancer.” It is written by two doctors and a lay person. Looks like a good read.
Sabrina had called a couple of days ago asking after my health. Tonight we talked for a long while. She was curious about all aspects. Her own father went through prostate cancer surgery and radiation last year. She hears lots about natural health alternatives because her husband’s is way into that. Bree says she’s keeping an open mind. I appreciated her supportive comment.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
March 1, 2006: Wednesday – A Defining Moment in my life
Last night’s conversation with respect to anger with Dr. H… disturbed me greatly. For one thing, I was so angry that he had introduced new elements into my decision-making process – after I’d made my decision! (Letter to God.) For another, thinking about what is righteous anger consumed me with doubts and fears. Would this battle be long and painful because I couldn’t muster the anger to fight?
I sobbed out my prayers to Heavenly Father. Dying would be relatively easy! What do I have to live for? This life is only a drop in the bucket considering my complete eternal existence. In the eternities, I know my family will be there and besides, the work I do here in family history, I can do there. So, what is there to keep me living here?
Rex and I talked about it. He is so supportive and sweet. Thru his participation in these conversations, I have truly come to feel his love and that this fight is ours, not mine alone. He suggested I go in to work at the Family History Center this afternoon. His well-taken point was that if I stop living my life, it’s as if cancer has scored a point. (I did later act upon his suggestion and it was a blessing to me.)
Heavenly Father sends angels to do his work at times. Because of my anger this morning, I absolutely did not want to talk with anyone. However, Kitty called – a rare event – and I couldn’t very well say, “I’ll talk with you another day.”
We talked for about an hour. I shared my feelings about what is it I am living for? Among all my friends, she would best understand this because she has said more than once that she’s ready to go Home. Now, when I asked my question, her immediate response was, “Because Heavenly Father put in us the will to live.” So simple and so profound! Yes, our Father did instill in us the will to live; the instinct to survive at almost any cost. He intended for us to have joy in this life. (“Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.” 2 Ne. 2:25) Hearing that it was as if my spirit said, Oh, yes, now I remember!
The second insight that came when talking with Kitty was when I described the measures I am taking pro-actively before the surgery. The language I was using came to my attention. I wasn’t saying that I was taking Reliv, etc. to prevent cancer or to build up my immune system primarily. I am taking Reliv, etc. because I am ATTACKING the cancer. I am on the OFFENSIVE. I am researching hours and hours daily for ways to BATTLE. In other words, I am fighting for all I am worth!
As both Kitty and Rex pointed out, there are people who need me in their lives, especially our grandchildren. Also, I came to realize that the specific work I do with in family history cannot be done in the spirit world.
The day now looked brighter. I was filled with purpose and direction….
A popular saying says that Love Heals. Today, three other people expressed their love and concern for me, which uplifted me and kept me upbeat: my sister Roberta, friend Karen and friend Glenda. ~ ~ A good day!
I sobbed out my prayers to Heavenly Father. Dying would be relatively easy! What do I have to live for? This life is only a drop in the bucket considering my complete eternal existence. In the eternities, I know my family will be there and besides, the work I do here in family history, I can do there. So, what is there to keep me living here?
Rex and I talked about it. He is so supportive and sweet. Thru his participation in these conversations, I have truly come to feel his love and that this fight is ours, not mine alone. He suggested I go in to work at the Family History Center this afternoon. His well-taken point was that if I stop living my life, it’s as if cancer has scored a point. (I did later act upon his suggestion and it was a blessing to me.)
Heavenly Father sends angels to do his work at times. Because of my anger this morning, I absolutely did not want to talk with anyone. However, Kitty called – a rare event – and I couldn’t very well say, “I’ll talk with you another day.”
We talked for about an hour. I shared my feelings about what is it I am living for? Among all my friends, she would best understand this because she has said more than once that she’s ready to go Home. Now, when I asked my question, her immediate response was, “Because Heavenly Father put in us the will to live.” So simple and so profound! Yes, our Father did instill in us the will to live; the instinct to survive at almost any cost. He intended for us to have joy in this life. (“Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.” 2 Ne. 2:25) Hearing that it was as if my spirit said, Oh, yes, now I remember!
The second insight that came when talking with Kitty was when I described the measures I am taking pro-actively before the surgery. The language I was using came to my attention. I wasn’t saying that I was taking Reliv, etc. to prevent cancer or to build up my immune system primarily. I am taking Reliv, etc. because I am ATTACKING the cancer. I am on the OFFENSIVE. I am researching hours and hours daily for ways to BATTLE. In other words, I am fighting for all I am worth!
As both Kitty and Rex pointed out, there are people who need me in their lives, especially our grandchildren. Also, I came to realize that the specific work I do with in family history cannot be done in the spirit world.
The day now looked brighter. I was filled with purpose and direction….
A popular saying says that Love Heals. Today, three other people expressed their love and concern for me, which uplifted me and kept me upbeat: my sister Roberta, friend Karen and friend Glenda. ~ ~ A good day!
Feb. 28, 2006: Tuesday – Hypnosis and ‘Two Kinds of Cancer Patients’
Preliminary to creating the hypnosis cd, Dr. H... talked with me about fighting for my life. He said, “There are two kinds of cancer patients: those that live and those that die. Those that live do so because they fight for their life with everything they are worth.” There followed an intense discussion for I didn’t have a fighting, angry spirit about this affliction. I am not angry: as reflected in my visit to the temple on Feb. 14th, I see this as an ordeal I’m supposed to go through for my greater good. I have adopted the attitude that if in the future, I’m going to look back upon these few months of life and say, “I gained so many blessings from it” – then I’m going to look at it from that positive perspective in the here and now and gratefully acknowledge each blessing that comes my way. How can I be the kind of angry that Dr. H… is talking about?
Then I thought about my ‘representative,’ Capt. Moroni, a military general, in charge of all the Nephite army. How could he, such a good and righteous man, go into battle and kill people? Dr. H… and I talked about Jesus’ righteous anger in the temple when he destroyed the moneychanger’s tables, etc. So, there is righteous anger – I just need to find mine somehow.
Dr. H… read what I’d written for him to be able to get a feel for Capt. Moroni’s character and what I wanted to envision happening. He used some of it in the ‘journey’ but not a whole lot. He made use of Moroni’s battle flag by having its color wash through my body. The color I saw was a deep teal blue. Why that color? Subconsciously, I’d chosen a hue that is a harmonious mix of Heaven’s blue and Earth’s green.
The flag’s purpose was to fill my body starting up from the toes and cleansing it from harmful particles. When it got to my breast, it called upon all of its army to come and attack the invader: containing it first and crushing it to dust in the outstretched hand of my mind. Then the color was to go through and eradicate any stray left over particles. The cd mentioned the strength that is so much a part of me for my family: both what I receive from them and what motivates me into action for them. It is interesting that the cd went back and forth with scenes: it then had me envision being in the presence of the Savior and him removing the cancer from my body. It finished by requesting I bring up from my subconscious something I need to remember, something I’d forgotten. As I searched, I saw myself – not as I see myself, but as Heavenly Father sees me: whole, complete, strong, compassionate, and serene – all at the same time. It was … breathtaking.
Then I thought about my ‘representative,’ Capt. Moroni, a military general, in charge of all the Nephite army. How could he, such a good and righteous man, go into battle and kill people? Dr. H… and I talked about Jesus’ righteous anger in the temple when he destroyed the moneychanger’s tables, etc. So, there is righteous anger – I just need to find mine somehow.
Dr. H… read what I’d written for him to be able to get a feel for Capt. Moroni’s character and what I wanted to envision happening. He used some of it in the ‘journey’ but not a whole lot. He made use of Moroni’s battle flag by having its color wash through my body. The color I saw was a deep teal blue. Why that color? Subconsciously, I’d chosen a hue that is a harmonious mix of Heaven’s blue and Earth’s green.
The flag’s purpose was to fill my body starting up from the toes and cleansing it from harmful particles. When it got to my breast, it called upon all of its army to come and attack the invader: containing it first and crushing it to dust in the outstretched hand of my mind. Then the color was to go through and eradicate any stray left over particles. The cd mentioned the strength that is so much a part of me for my family: both what I receive from them and what motivates me into action for them. It is interesting that the cd went back and forth with scenes: it then had me envision being in the presence of the Savior and him removing the cancer from my body. It finished by requesting I bring up from my subconscious something I need to remember, something I’d forgotten. As I searched, I saw myself – not as I see myself, but as Heavenly Father sees me: whole, complete, strong, compassionate, and serene – all at the same time. It was … breathtaking.
Feb. 28, 2006: Tuesday – Apoptosis (ah-po-TOE-sis) vs. Necrosis
Dr. H… is a chiropractor that my friend, Maureen, and I have seen many times in the past. I’d gone to him back in 1990, etc. when I’d had continual neck and shoulder pain. He’s a chiropractor and would relieve it. Tonight, my appointment was for 5 PM or after normal hours. (Rex was not with me for this one.) The good doctor and I began about 5:20 and finished at 8 PM.
Dr. H… began by giving me quite an education on the make-up of a cell, both normal and what happens when they turn cancerous. This took about an hour and it was fascinating stuff. This all came about because Rex and I had asked the question at the surgeon’s about what happens to cells when they are killed (shrunk) during chemotherapy for example. Dr. L… said that those cells form scar tissue or in other words, there’s still a mass. (That’s when chemo is warranted. It is done first and then radiation is given.) But now, Dr. H… was saying that cells could shrink leaving no residue behind. This seemed to be in contrast with what the surgeon told us. “Ah,” Dr. H said, “You were asking a different question. Dr. L… told you correctly. She was describing necrosis or when you kill cells by external means. What I’m talking about is apoptosis or the natural processes of cell death.”
Through his penciled illustrations and some websites on his computer, I learned about cell apoptosis. Each normal cell has two identical strands of DNA. When it goes to divide, one strand goes one way and the other strand the opposite way, making two new cells. That one strand then duplicates itself identically. A component part of the new cell is called p53. Its job is to police the cell, looking for anything out of the ordinary. When it finds something, it fixes it. If it cannot fix it, it sets the cell to self-destruct. The trouble comes in when p53 doesn’t do its job. It’s like a light switch that even when it’s turned to the ‘on’ position, doesn’t make the connection (it’s got a short in the wire somewhere.) What chemo and radiation does is go in and actually make the affected cell even more ‘un-normal’ in the hopes that this will finally shock the p53 component to wake up and do its work.
Dr. H… bills himself as a bridge between conventional medicine and alternative. He believes that the reality is that both are really talking about the same thing – they just don’t have the language skills to be able to communicate with one another. He has done an amazing amount of research into both fields and spent a lot of time explaining that chemo and/or radiation’s bad side effects can be neutralized while allowing those treatments to carry out their good intentions effectively. His preferred website is PubMed.com which publishes medical studies done by ‘reputable’ researchers whose language conventional medical doctors can understand. He briefly took me to 9 articles that talks about grape seed extract: that this remarkable product can both cause cancerous cells to go into apoptosis and, during radiation/chemo, cause that those treatments don’t harm the body in other ways. Grape seed extract is sold through health food stores. He figured I’d need quite a bit right now for it to do what he says it will & it’s expensive…
After asking in prayer for direction on this possible solution, I felt that whatever is in Reliv will do the same thing for me and decided to continue using it rather than go to some new product.
Dr. H… began by giving me quite an education on the make-up of a cell, both normal and what happens when they turn cancerous. This took about an hour and it was fascinating stuff. This all came about because Rex and I had asked the question at the surgeon’s about what happens to cells when they are killed (shrunk) during chemotherapy for example. Dr. L… said that those cells form scar tissue or in other words, there’s still a mass. (That’s when chemo is warranted. It is done first and then radiation is given.) But now, Dr. H… was saying that cells could shrink leaving no residue behind. This seemed to be in contrast with what the surgeon told us. “Ah,” Dr. H said, “You were asking a different question. Dr. L… told you correctly. She was describing necrosis or when you kill cells by external means. What I’m talking about is apoptosis or the natural processes of cell death.”
Through his penciled illustrations and some websites on his computer, I learned about cell apoptosis. Each normal cell has two identical strands of DNA. When it goes to divide, one strand goes one way and the other strand the opposite way, making two new cells. That one strand then duplicates itself identically. A component part of the new cell is called p53. Its job is to police the cell, looking for anything out of the ordinary. When it finds something, it fixes it. If it cannot fix it, it sets the cell to self-destruct. The trouble comes in when p53 doesn’t do its job. It’s like a light switch that even when it’s turned to the ‘on’ position, doesn’t make the connection (it’s got a short in the wire somewhere.) What chemo and radiation does is go in and actually make the affected cell even more ‘un-normal’ in the hopes that this will finally shock the p53 component to wake up and do its work.
Dr. H… bills himself as a bridge between conventional medicine and alternative. He believes that the reality is that both are really talking about the same thing – they just don’t have the language skills to be able to communicate with one another. He has done an amazing amount of research into both fields and spent a lot of time explaining that chemo and/or radiation’s bad side effects can be neutralized while allowing those treatments to carry out their good intentions effectively. His preferred website is PubMed.com which publishes medical studies done by ‘reputable’ researchers whose language conventional medical doctors can understand. He briefly took me to 9 articles that talks about grape seed extract: that this remarkable product can both cause cancerous cells to go into apoptosis and, during radiation/chemo, cause that those treatments don’t harm the body in other ways. Grape seed extract is sold through health food stores. He figured I’d need quite a bit right now for it to do what he says it will & it’s expensive…
After asking in prayer for direction on this possible solution, I felt that whatever is in Reliv will do the same thing for me and decided to continue using it rather than go to some new product.
Feb. 28, 2006: Tuesday - Visit to Dr. L…, surgeon / oncologist
Dr. L… was chosen following my ‘two witness rule.’ In even considering a step essential to my recovery, I employed a biblical principle: “…at the mouth of two or at the mouth of three witnesses shall the matter be established.” (Deut. 19:15) I had heard from several friends, etc. that Dr. L… was the soul of kindness and one of the best surgeons around the area.
They were right. She was, indeed, the warmest, most caring doctor I’ve ever met at a first appointment. She graciously listened to our questions and gave her answers in great detail. It shocked me to discover that 2.5 hours had just flown by and we were just finishing our questions!
After examining me, she said that the tumor was not a hard little knot like most are – it’s actually rather squishy. That makes it a little more of a challenge of knowing where the tumor’s edges are and how much of a margin to cut away. But she’s very skilled and will employ a device that makes detection more assured. An ultrasound will tell where the core of the tumor is and a wire will be inserted that will act like a pointer to it.
The margin will be about 1 mm all around the tumor. Once the tumor (and margin) is incised, it will be sent to a pathology lab. In a few days, we’ll get a report that will tell us either one of three things:
1) that the cancer cells came all the way out to the edge of the margin – in which case, she’ll need to go into the same area and scrape more away
2) that the cancer cells were just at the edge of the tumor itself but well away from the outer margin – a good sign!
3) That the cancer cells were mostly contained within the tumor itself – the best sign. (The type of cancer it is - DCIS or infiltrating ductal cancer – means that some of the cancer cells had escaped out of the tumor and infiltrated the space around it.)
The sentinel lymph nodes will be tested for cancer. Most people have one; some people have two. They are just under the armpit. The function of lymph nodes – and we have many! - is to carry ‘junk’ out of your system. They help keep your system clean of impurities. Impurities (called ‘free radicals’ and/or oxidants) can be the result of ‘stuff’ that’s entered your body externally or what it has produced internally. Lymph nodes act like strainers – sieves.
In the case of the breast, the impurities are carried along the pathways called mammary ducts – like rivers – and are carried to the sentinel lymph nodes. These nodes are called ‘sentinels’ because they are the primary nodes; they act as ‘doorways’ to all the other nodes. Cancer cells are larger than normal cells and if they clog the nodes (which act like strainers), that’s when a person gets cancer in the lymph nodes. (We all have cancer cells in our bodies; I guess this happens when a flood of cancer cells try to get through the lymph node.) If no cancer is found in sentinel nodes, then it is not possible that any cancer is found in any of the other nodes.
Sentinel node(s) are stripped from a person during the surgery. They are tested right then and there by a pathologist for signs of cancer. If there are no signs, then the patient is good. If there are signs, then the surgeon strips the next two layers of nodes – just to be sure all cancerous nodes are removed. As a person has many, many nodes in the body, the responsibility to clean and purify the body is assumed by the other nodes; their load is increased but this hasn’t been found to be a problem.
Although a test is done real-time to determine of a node is cancerous or not, the node is sent to the lab and further tests are done. It is possible to be negative real-time but turn up positive a couple days down the road. If this happens, the surgeon goes back in and removes the second and third layer of nodes.
As far as (conventional) treatment is concerned, if the sentinel lymph node(s) are cancer-free, the treatment is radiation and, I think, hormone therapy. If the sentinels are cancerous, it means the whole ball of wax: chemo, radiation and hormone therapy.
If the lump is removed and the margins are clear and the lymph nodes are free from cancer, conventional medicine is (approx) 70% sure that there are no cancerous cells ‘in the rivers’ and they think this way because the cancer in the lump was well-contained and there was no cancer in the lymph nodes. However, there’s always that chance that there were cancer cells enroute to the lymph nodes. That’s why they prescribe radiation treatment.
Keep in mind that radiating the whole breast to kill any possible cancer cells in the ducts is a little like aiming a machine gun and spraying the entire perimeter - you can’t tell where the enemy is at all so you shoot up the whole place. Yes, you are shooting blindly but you do it long enough and steadily enough so that you are quite sure that all and any cancerous cells that are eft after the surgery have been destroyed. That’s why radiation takes about 4-5 weeks to accomplish. There are two other methods of radiation but they attack only the affected spot and are considered somewhat still in the experimental stage.
Radiation, according to Dr. L…, reduces your risk of recurrence from 70% to 95%. However, for the stray cancer cell that does survive and gets through into the system, it most likely means either a recurrence of breast cancer or brain cancer, uterine cancer, or cancer in the bones. If it recurs in the same breast as the first lumpectomy, there is no other option but to remove the entire breast. (This is because of radiation but I don’t know the reason why.) If the stray travels to the lungs or liver and causes cancer, you are then untreatable and considered terminal.
Not surprisingly, Dr. L… did not know anything about possible Immunology methods of dealing with cancer in the aftermath (or before hand) of surgery. Not her field of expertise. (I had found an article on Resan – a vaccine that purportedly kills the cancer cells without all the side effects of chemo or radiation. I believe it is used in Europe but my doctor had never heard of it.)
In the case of discussing alternative treatment, she had nothing positive to say. In a very compassionate way, she reflected the viewpoint of conventional medicine: Alternative ‘medicine’ is undocumented, unproven and for those reasons, inadvisable. Should a patient choose to do that, it’s OK as long as the conventional methods are followed. In other words, do it their way and they don’t really care much what else you do because they don’t have any faith – scientific proof – in any thing else.
Rex indicated that he leaned towards radiation therapy while I favored natural healing. The doctor gave (me) an extended dissertation on the ‘why nots’ of Alternative medicine.
I was not happy with Rex for doing so because he had never said that in any of our previous conversations and that was not the place to do so! (I let him know how I felt about that after we left the office – I felt ganged up on. I didn’t blast at him because I know where he’s coming from. Because he’s an engineer, he’d like to be as sure as possible about the outcome. Engineers hardly take the first step in any project unless they can see clearly the entire path and the end of the journey! This whole process must be extra difficult for Rex – so many feelings and emotions to deal with! So many uncertainties! Besides, I know that in his heart, he doesn’t want to lose me…. He apologized sincerely and said that perhaps the way he phrased and presented it was inappropriate. We went on about our business without hard feelings from this point.)
We learned that after the lumpectomy, the breast is given between 2 – 4 weeks to heal and then radiation begins. (You might ask: What if a stray cancer cell gets through during that time? Good question! It’s also one we didn’t think to ask!) The other forms of therapy – chemo and hormone – I’ll discuss at a later date.
We were at the end of our visit. It came time to determine the date for the surgery. I had previously determined earlier today what the date for my surgery would be: March 17th, St. Patty’s day. Fitting, eh? Well, I wasn’t going to choose March 14th – our anniversary or March 15th – the Ides of March! And the doctor only did surgery on Tues, Wed, & Fri.
When she heard of my decision, she was delighted – a little relieved? – that I was going through with the surgery. Earlier we’d discussed if waiting two weeks would make a difference in the growth of the tumor, etc. In her opinion, it would make little difference. I decided to use the two weeks so that my breast can be fully healed from the biopsy, thus making her surgery easier and to use natural health products to boost my immune system as much as I possibly can.
I pray that the surgeon’s aim will be sure.
I pray that the doctor gets a good, cancer-free margin around the tumor.
I pray that there is no cancer in the sentinel lymph nodes.
They were right. She was, indeed, the warmest, most caring doctor I’ve ever met at a first appointment. She graciously listened to our questions and gave her answers in great detail. It shocked me to discover that 2.5 hours had just flown by and we were just finishing our questions!
After examining me, she said that the tumor was not a hard little knot like most are – it’s actually rather squishy. That makes it a little more of a challenge of knowing where the tumor’s edges are and how much of a margin to cut away. But she’s very skilled and will employ a device that makes detection more assured. An ultrasound will tell where the core of the tumor is and a wire will be inserted that will act like a pointer to it.
The margin will be about 1 mm all around the tumor. Once the tumor (and margin) is incised, it will be sent to a pathology lab. In a few days, we’ll get a report that will tell us either one of three things:
1) that the cancer cells came all the way out to the edge of the margin – in which case, she’ll need to go into the same area and scrape more away
2) that the cancer cells were just at the edge of the tumor itself but well away from the outer margin – a good sign!
3) That the cancer cells were mostly contained within the tumor itself – the best sign. (The type of cancer it is - DCIS or infiltrating ductal cancer – means that some of the cancer cells had escaped out of the tumor and infiltrated the space around it.)
The sentinel lymph nodes will be tested for cancer. Most people have one; some people have two. They are just under the armpit. The function of lymph nodes – and we have many! - is to carry ‘junk’ out of your system. They help keep your system clean of impurities. Impurities (called ‘free radicals’ and/or oxidants) can be the result of ‘stuff’ that’s entered your body externally or what it has produced internally. Lymph nodes act like strainers – sieves.
In the case of the breast, the impurities are carried along the pathways called mammary ducts – like rivers – and are carried to the sentinel lymph nodes. These nodes are called ‘sentinels’ because they are the primary nodes; they act as ‘doorways’ to all the other nodes. Cancer cells are larger than normal cells and if they clog the nodes (which act like strainers), that’s when a person gets cancer in the lymph nodes. (We all have cancer cells in our bodies; I guess this happens when a flood of cancer cells try to get through the lymph node.) If no cancer is found in sentinel nodes, then it is not possible that any cancer is found in any of the other nodes.
Sentinel node(s) are stripped from a person during the surgery. They are tested right then and there by a pathologist for signs of cancer. If there are no signs, then the patient is good. If there are signs, then the surgeon strips the next two layers of nodes – just to be sure all cancerous nodes are removed. As a person has many, many nodes in the body, the responsibility to clean and purify the body is assumed by the other nodes; their load is increased but this hasn’t been found to be a problem.
Although a test is done real-time to determine of a node is cancerous or not, the node is sent to the lab and further tests are done. It is possible to be negative real-time but turn up positive a couple days down the road. If this happens, the surgeon goes back in and removes the second and third layer of nodes.
As far as (conventional) treatment is concerned, if the sentinel lymph node(s) are cancer-free, the treatment is radiation and, I think, hormone therapy. If the sentinels are cancerous, it means the whole ball of wax: chemo, radiation and hormone therapy.
If the lump is removed and the margins are clear and the lymph nodes are free from cancer, conventional medicine is (approx) 70% sure that there are no cancerous cells ‘in the rivers’ and they think this way because the cancer in the lump was well-contained and there was no cancer in the lymph nodes. However, there’s always that chance that there were cancer cells enroute to the lymph nodes. That’s why they prescribe radiation treatment.
Keep in mind that radiating the whole breast to kill any possible cancer cells in the ducts is a little like aiming a machine gun and spraying the entire perimeter - you can’t tell where the enemy is at all so you shoot up the whole place. Yes, you are shooting blindly but you do it long enough and steadily enough so that you are quite sure that all and any cancerous cells that are eft after the surgery have been destroyed. That’s why radiation takes about 4-5 weeks to accomplish. There are two other methods of radiation but they attack only the affected spot and are considered somewhat still in the experimental stage.
Radiation, according to Dr. L…, reduces your risk of recurrence from 70% to 95%. However, for the stray cancer cell that does survive and gets through into the system, it most likely means either a recurrence of breast cancer or brain cancer, uterine cancer, or cancer in the bones. If it recurs in the same breast as the first lumpectomy, there is no other option but to remove the entire breast. (This is because of radiation but I don’t know the reason why.) If the stray travels to the lungs or liver and causes cancer, you are then untreatable and considered terminal.
Not surprisingly, Dr. L… did not know anything about possible Immunology methods of dealing with cancer in the aftermath (or before hand) of surgery. Not her field of expertise. (I had found an article on Resan – a vaccine that purportedly kills the cancer cells without all the side effects of chemo or radiation. I believe it is used in Europe but my doctor had never heard of it.)
In the case of discussing alternative treatment, she had nothing positive to say. In a very compassionate way, she reflected the viewpoint of conventional medicine: Alternative ‘medicine’ is undocumented, unproven and for those reasons, inadvisable. Should a patient choose to do that, it’s OK as long as the conventional methods are followed. In other words, do it their way and they don’t really care much what else you do because they don’t have any faith – scientific proof – in any thing else.
Rex indicated that he leaned towards radiation therapy while I favored natural healing. The doctor gave (me) an extended dissertation on the ‘why nots’ of Alternative medicine.
I was not happy with Rex for doing so because he had never said that in any of our previous conversations and that was not the place to do so! (I let him know how I felt about that after we left the office – I felt ganged up on. I didn’t blast at him because I know where he’s coming from. Because he’s an engineer, he’d like to be as sure as possible about the outcome. Engineers hardly take the first step in any project unless they can see clearly the entire path and the end of the journey! This whole process must be extra difficult for Rex – so many feelings and emotions to deal with! So many uncertainties! Besides, I know that in his heart, he doesn’t want to lose me…. He apologized sincerely and said that perhaps the way he phrased and presented it was inappropriate. We went on about our business without hard feelings from this point.)
We learned that after the lumpectomy, the breast is given between 2 – 4 weeks to heal and then radiation begins. (You might ask: What if a stray cancer cell gets through during that time? Good question! It’s also one we didn’t think to ask!) The other forms of therapy – chemo and hormone – I’ll discuss at a later date.
We were at the end of our visit. It came time to determine the date for the surgery. I had previously determined earlier today what the date for my surgery would be: March 17th, St. Patty’s day. Fitting, eh? Well, I wasn’t going to choose March 14th – our anniversary or March 15th – the Ides of March! And the doctor only did surgery on Tues, Wed, & Fri.
When she heard of my decision, she was delighted – a little relieved? – that I was going through with the surgery. Earlier we’d discussed if waiting two weeks would make a difference in the growth of the tumor, etc. In her opinion, it would make little difference. I decided to use the two weeks so that my breast can be fully healed from the biopsy, thus making her surgery easier and to use natural health products to boost my immune system as much as I possibly can.
I pray that the surgeon’s aim will be sure.
I pray that the doctor gets a good, cancer-free margin around the tumor.
I pray that there is no cancer in the sentinel lymph nodes.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Feb. 27, 2006: Tuesday – My Title of Liberty
My Title of Liberty
By Pat James
I have come to do battle with an invader. I take upon me the whole armor of God: headplate, breastplate, and shield. I raise upon a pole a banner which reads:
In remembrance of my God, my religion, my freedom, my peace, my family.
I have prayed and am praying mightily that the cause of freedom from this oppressor might be favored. I have poured out my whole soul to God and designated my ‘land’ – my being – to be a chosen land, an instrument in God’s hands for whatever He wills.
Behold, my Title is held high and I call forth among my people, my friends, my church family and those whom I have served to join me in this battle. Together we will go forth in the strength of the Lord…. I see that they have come running to my aid, taking upon themselves the Armor of God. I enter a covenant with the Lord to compassionately show others the way to better health as I feel inspired and led of God. I ask that those who have joined me will be blessed for their efforts – even healed themselves, if that is their faith.
I rally my troops and remind them of who were are and what our mission is. The love of my family especially is a great strength to me. On other missions, we have collectively shown great unity, wisdom strength and love for one another. We come from a lineage that has always conquered all who have come to conquer us. In speaking of the whole of my army, it is a truth that their dedication to the name and cause of Christ forms a bond that cannot be broken.
It is amazing and wonderful that people from outside of my circle of strength also come to my aid. They, too, are inspired by the Title of Liberty and its purpose. Together, we shall not let any dissenters escape to join the enemy. We will capture them and once contained, we will give them a simple choice: join us in the cause of freedom or die. Few it is who choose to die.
Strong we will grow, overcome and ever continue to be. The battle will be won; the intruder destroyed.
God has spoken it.
By Pat James
I have come to do battle with an invader. I take upon me the whole armor of God: headplate, breastplate, and shield. I raise upon a pole a banner which reads:
In remembrance of my God, my religion, my freedom, my peace, my family.
I have prayed and am praying mightily that the cause of freedom from this oppressor might be favored. I have poured out my whole soul to God and designated my ‘land’ – my being – to be a chosen land, an instrument in God’s hands for whatever He wills.
Behold, my Title is held high and I call forth among my people, my friends, my church family and those whom I have served to join me in this battle. Together we will go forth in the strength of the Lord…. I see that they have come running to my aid, taking upon themselves the Armor of God. I enter a covenant with the Lord to compassionately show others the way to better health as I feel inspired and led of God. I ask that those who have joined me will be blessed for their efforts – even healed themselves, if that is their faith.
I rally my troops and remind them of who were are and what our mission is. The love of my family especially is a great strength to me. On other missions, we have collectively shown great unity, wisdom strength and love for one another. We come from a lineage that has always conquered all who have come to conquer us. In speaking of the whole of my army, it is a truth that their dedication to the name and cause of Christ forms a bond that cannot be broken.
It is amazing and wonderful that people from outside of my circle of strength also come to my aid. They, too, are inspired by the Title of Liberty and its purpose. Together, we shall not let any dissenters escape to join the enemy. We will capture them and once contained, we will give them a simple choice: join us in the cause of freedom or die. Few it is who choose to die.
Strong we will grow, overcome and ever continue to be. The battle will be won; the intruder destroyed.
God has spoken it.
Feb. 27, 2006: Tuesday – Prep re: composing my Title of Liberty
I was intrigued with this idea: thought it was excellent. I chose as my symbols of strength, etc. a figure from the Book of Mormon, Capt. Moroni. I studied in particular chapter 46 in the Book of Alma whereby Moroni raises a banner that he called, The Title of Liberty. The chapter related how he rallied his countryman to join him in battle against the faction of the population that would overthrow the government. I studied, took notes, likened his situation to my own, prayed first and then wrote a piece I hoped would be a guide for Dr. H... in creating a hypnosis cd for me. One thing that impressed me strongly during my study: the admonition to make a covenant with God. What am I promising in gratitude for any blessings received?
I know that several places in my composition of my Title of Liberty were inspired passages especially where it talks about those who would be healed and about my family (my siblings in particular!) and our lineage.
Inspiration: Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon, Chap. 46
Moroni is a strong and mighty man; a man of a perfect understanding; yea, a man… whose soul joys in the liberty and freedom of his country, and his brethren from bondage and slavery. (Alma 48:11)
Yea, a man whose heart did swell with thanksgiving to his God for the many privileges and blessings which he bestowed upon his people; a man who did labor exceedingly for the welfare and safety of his people. (Alma 48:12)
Yea, and he was a man who was firm in the faith of Christ, and he had sworn with an oath to defend his people, his rights, and his country, and his religion… (Alma 48:13)
If all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men. (Alma 48:17)
I know that several places in my composition of my Title of Liberty were inspired passages especially where it talks about those who would be healed and about my family (my siblings in particular!) and our lineage.
Inspiration: Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon, Chap. 46
Moroni is a strong and mighty man; a man of a perfect understanding; yea, a man… whose soul joys in the liberty and freedom of his country, and his brethren from bondage and slavery. (Alma 48:11)
Yea, a man whose heart did swell with thanksgiving to his God for the many privileges and blessings which he bestowed upon his people; a man who did labor exceedingly for the welfare and safety of his people. (Alma 48:12)
Yea, and he was a man who was firm in the faith of Christ, and he had sworn with an oath to defend his people, his rights, and his country, and his religion… (Alma 48:13)
If all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men. (Alma 48:17)
Feb. 27, 2006: Monday – preparations for tomorrow’s doctors visits
One good suggestion my friend, Maureen, had and did was to write out her prayer to God in the form of a letter. After having read, researched, studied and prayed, she decided what she’d like see happen re: her illness. I really liked this idea and put a lot of time myself into thinking about what I’d ask of Heavenly Father. On the one hand, you want to say “Thy will be done.” On the other, you know that He’s given you free will and therefore, would like to know what you want. Like a parent who wants his child to grow up right, He guides us along the righteous paths we choose but doesn’t make the choices for us. Anyway, I prayed before writing my letter that my thoughts would be clear and my requests ‘in tune’ with His will. Writing it was an uplifting exercise because I realized just how much my life meant to me and was grateful to God for it.
Another suggestion Maureen had and did was to go to a doctor who does hypnotism. He asks the patient to choose a symbol that will represent, in the case of cancer patients, a strong force ready to do battle. She chose the four sons of Mosiah from the Book of Mormon: they were brave missionaries who had some extraordinary experiences and pulled off some incredible feats. (Dr. H… is not LDS but has read the Book of Mormon more than once in order to advise his LDS patients.) He then took her symbols and wove them into a self-hypnosis cd. She listened to this every night for the purpose of psychologically battling any cancer cells left after her lumpectomy.
Gratefully, my husband, Rex, volunteered and developed a spreadsheet of questions to ask the surgeon. We’d discussed what these were at length. He did a masterful job of encapsulating them on a spreadsheet. We went to bed happy to have accomplished these preparations.
Another suggestion Maureen had and did was to go to a doctor who does hypnotism. He asks the patient to choose a symbol that will represent, in the case of cancer patients, a strong force ready to do battle. She chose the four sons of Mosiah from the Book of Mormon: they were brave missionaries who had some extraordinary experiences and pulled off some incredible feats. (Dr. H… is not LDS but has read the Book of Mormon more than once in order to advise his LDS patients.) He then took her symbols and wove them into a self-hypnosis cd. She listened to this every night for the purpose of psychologically battling any cancer cells left after her lumpectomy.
Gratefully, my husband, Rex, volunteered and developed a spreadsheet of questions to ask the surgeon. We’d discussed what these were at length. He did a masterful job of encapsulating them on a spreadsheet. We went to bed happy to have accomplished these preparations.
Feb. 26, 2006: Sunday – My diagnosis reminds others of others
I awoke very nervous about facing people in Sacrament (our main church service) and leading the music. I knew it was perfectly normal for some to avoid eye contact for they are either embarrassed or don’t know what to say. Others will look at me with sad eyes, full of pity: not what I want! Still others will tell me their cancer stories as a way of ‘connecting’ with me empathetically. Oh no!
Rex offered and I accepted a blessing of comfort and strength. As I stood and led the music, much affected at times by the lyrics, I indeed saw some in the congregation whose eyes were full. I had a couple of insights that gave me knowledge, understanding, and peace. I realized that I reminded them of the (cancer) trial one of their loved ones had gone through. As I stood in front of them, they relived (at least to some degree) the pain of that trial. They felt empathetically for me based on their own personal experiences. My heart was uplifted, however, because they don’t know what I know: that my experience will be different – much different – than theirs. This allowed me get outside of myself and to have compassion on them for their pain and loss. So, leading the music in Sacrament became a sweet blessing.
Rex offered and I accepted a blessing of comfort and strength. As I stood and led the music, much affected at times by the lyrics, I indeed saw some in the congregation whose eyes were full. I had a couple of insights that gave me knowledge, understanding, and peace. I realized that I reminded them of the (cancer) trial one of their loved ones had gone through. As I stood in front of them, they relived (at least to some degree) the pain of that trial. They felt empathetically for me based on their own personal experiences. My heart was uplifted, however, because they don’t know what I know: that my experience will be different – much different – than theirs. This allowed me get outside of myself and to have compassion on them for their pain and loss. So, leading the music in Sacrament became a sweet blessing.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Feb. 25, 2006: Saturday - Day in the Temple
I spent all day in the Boise temple. It gave me a quiet place to meditate and pray. Gratefully, I received some well-timed impressions that encouraged me and helped me further to shape my special prayer to Heavenly Father re: my diagnosis and outcome.
On Friday night, I realized I would not have enough of the Reliv product, SoySentials, to see me through until a new shipment came in on Tuesday. The suggested cancer formula has me using up a can every two days. The impression came to me to call a Reliv contact I’d made in Boise just a week before my diagnosis. It was through her I was able to obtain more.
In the temple, I was reminded that the impression on how to obtain more SoySentials came through the spirit, thus strengthening my faith in the suggested formula given me. This is important because there is controversy in the medical community – conventional and alternative – about using soy products re: cancer. Some circles say that their properties might encourage cells towards cancerous growth. I have faith in Reliv’s products because I know them to be of the highest quality.
My first impression, then, was that the suggested Reliv formula will do what it says it will. The second impression was to hold off the lumpectomy for at least a couple of weeks in order for the Reliv to have a chance to work. I felt that whatever happens on the day of surgery, a follow-up visit the next month will reveal no cancer at all. I felt that Rex and I will be able to continue with our original plans made in December before receiving the cancer diagnosis. I was strongly impressed with – had a very clear image - of something that would happen during the time frame of that original plan.
On my way home, I was able to visit with Mike after he got off work. (He hadn’t responded to but one of our phone calls during the last 6 weeks and to none of the letters I’d sent. I was pretty worried about what was going on with him.) Mike explained that he had just opened his mail about 4 days ago and learned of my cancer. He has a close friend whose mother has been where I am now. Kelly reassured him a lot. We talked about my news a while. Upon departing, we hugged each other four different times. Now this was unusual and very welcome.
On Friday night, I realized I would not have enough of the Reliv product, SoySentials, to see me through until a new shipment came in on Tuesday. The suggested cancer formula has me using up a can every two days. The impression came to me to call a Reliv contact I’d made in Boise just a week before my diagnosis. It was through her I was able to obtain more.
In the temple, I was reminded that the impression on how to obtain more SoySentials came through the spirit, thus strengthening my faith in the suggested formula given me. This is important because there is controversy in the medical community – conventional and alternative – about using soy products re: cancer. Some circles say that their properties might encourage cells towards cancerous growth. I have faith in Reliv’s products because I know them to be of the highest quality.
My first impression, then, was that the suggested Reliv formula will do what it says it will. The second impression was to hold off the lumpectomy for at least a couple of weeks in order for the Reliv to have a chance to work. I felt that whatever happens on the day of surgery, a follow-up visit the next month will reveal no cancer at all. I felt that Rex and I will be able to continue with our original plans made in December before receiving the cancer diagnosis. I was strongly impressed with – had a very clear image - of something that would happen during the time frame of that original plan.
On my way home, I was able to visit with Mike after he got off work. (He hadn’t responded to but one of our phone calls during the last 6 weeks and to none of the letters I’d sent. I was pretty worried about what was going on with him.) Mike explained that he had just opened his mail about 4 days ago and learned of my cancer. He has a close friend whose mother has been where I am now. Kelly reassured him a lot. We talked about my news a while. Upon departing, we hugged each other four different times. Now this was unusual and very welcome.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Feb. 24: Friday - Natural Cures research
My sister Janet sent me, “Natural Cures” by Kevin Trudeau. She’d highlighted passages she believed were most pertinent to my situation. I skimmed thru them. The one thing that stuck out in my mind like a big red flag was the pH level in our bodies. She also sent me a lot of material on Essential Oils. This is a program that, I determined, a person just doesn’t ‘jump into.’ I laid it aside to study more after the surgery.
A long-time friend talked about apple cider vinegar helping a person’s pH to turn slightly alkaline even though it is highly acidic. My research eventually led me to an excellent website: www.cancer-prevention.net. One article especially looked promising: “Diagnosed with Cancer? Here Are 9 Effective, Natural Strategies to Kill Your Cancer.” For instance, the first strategy is: Cancer Weakness #1: High Oxygen Levels Kill Cancer; Low Oxygen Levels Breed Cancer. That’s why doing yoga can be of such a help!
I found that I wanted to talk incessantly about what I was learning and what I was feeling. Rex never even once put me off. He always listened with full attention. His great attitude made me feel like this challenge is not just my challenge, but also ours. At night, he holds me very close. Our relationship and love for one another has truly been blessed during this time; has truly deepened.
A long-time friend talked about apple cider vinegar helping a person’s pH to turn slightly alkaline even though it is highly acidic. My research eventually led me to an excellent website: www.cancer-prevention.net. One article especially looked promising: “Diagnosed with Cancer? Here Are 9 Effective, Natural Strategies to Kill Your Cancer.” For instance, the first strategy is: Cancer Weakness #1: High Oxygen Levels Kill Cancer; Low Oxygen Levels Breed Cancer. That’s why doing yoga can be of such a help!
I found that I wanted to talk incessantly about what I was learning and what I was feeling. Rex never even once put me off. He always listened with full attention. His great attitude made me feel like this challenge is not just my challenge, but also ours. At night, he holds me very close. Our relationship and love for one another has truly been blessed during this time; has truly deepened.
Feb. 23, 2006: Thursday - Health Recovery Plan begins to take shape
During these days and weeks, several friends and family members would spark ideas for me to research over the internet. Sometimes, I was referred to a book. All were gratefully accepted. I did look into all that time allowed.
My friend, Maureen, told me of a couple of strategies she employed to keep a positive, prayerful outlook. One was to study and research all you can, then compose a prayer to God. In the latter, you are specific as to what you’d like to see happen. You start at the top. In her case, for instance, she wanted the lump removed but refused radiation. After she’d prayed devoutly and sincerely to Heavenly Father about this hoped-for result and upon receiving a positive feeling that He approved, she then built the rest of the outline for her Health Recovery Plan. She asked herself mainly questions about: How do I achieve the result I’ve prayed for? Where do I obtain the necessary products?
Another idea Maureen had was to visit her chiropractor doctor who also hypnotizes people for a variety of reasons. He made her a cd that she listens to each morning and night. The idea behind this is that the mind is an integral part of becoming well and to get your mind focused on fighting the cancer. Your mind has an equal responsibility along with your body and spirit prepared for the fight. I was so taken with this idea; I immediately made an appointment for my own cd.
A church friend alerted us to the fact that there is more than one type of radiation therapy. There’s two types of external radiation: one that covers the whole area and one that uses more sophisticated equipment to radiate externally just the spot where the tumor was. Then there is internal radiation. In this way, radioactive ‘seeds’ are deposited in the cavity where the tumor was for two weeks and then removed. Gratefully, Rex researched radiation therapy quite thoroughly.
My friend, Maureen, told me of a couple of strategies she employed to keep a positive, prayerful outlook. One was to study and research all you can, then compose a prayer to God. In the latter, you are specific as to what you’d like to see happen. You start at the top. In her case, for instance, she wanted the lump removed but refused radiation. After she’d prayed devoutly and sincerely to Heavenly Father about this hoped-for result and upon receiving a positive feeling that He approved, she then built the rest of the outline for her Health Recovery Plan. She asked herself mainly questions about: How do I achieve the result I’ve prayed for? Where do I obtain the necessary products?
Another idea Maureen had was to visit her chiropractor doctor who also hypnotizes people for a variety of reasons. He made her a cd that she listens to each morning and night. The idea behind this is that the mind is an integral part of becoming well and to get your mind focused on fighting the cancer. Your mind has an equal responsibility along with your body and spirit prepared for the fight. I was so taken with this idea; I immediately made an appointment for my own cd.
A church friend alerted us to the fact that there is more than one type of radiation therapy. There’s two types of external radiation: one that covers the whole area and one that uses more sophisticated equipment to radiate externally just the spot where the tumor was. Then there is internal radiation. In this way, radioactive ‘seeds’ are deposited in the cavity where the tumor was for two weeks and then removed. Gratefully, Rex researched radiation therapy quite thoroughly.
Feb. 22, 2006: Wednesday - This is NOT a Drill
Funny, ‘time’ was something I was so obsessed with before learning of my diagnosis. Now, it hardly exists at all. I don’t care how long it takes me to complete a task, to research a website or to read through a book. It’s as if the element of time doesn’t matter anymore.
One day, I’d be ‘up’ the next day, ‘down.’ Sometimes, my emotions would swing hourly. The reasons which got me down were:
1) When the news began to get out among church members, I dreaded facing them on Sunday and leading the music in front of everybody at our main meeting. I dread the inverted, embarrassed glances instead of steady, welcome faces I usually see.
2) When the first couple of calls came in on Thursday (one giving advice and the other support), it struck me so forcefully that THIS IS NOT A DRILL. It’s not like I’m not facing surgery to remove a tooth or have a toe fixed!
3) On Thursday evening, (Rex was gone to a meeting) I called 6 telephone numbers given me of people who’d had breast cancer and had taken Reliv. I wanted to know their experience on the product. I needed information on which to base a valid, reasonable expectation that I might not have to have radiation. Three numbers were no longer good. At one number, I got a telephone message machine. At one number, she said she doesn’t take Reliv anymore because she’s allergic to soy. At the last number (my one great hope!), she was just going out the door to a basketball game. I asked when it would be convenient to call her back. She said, hurriedly, “Maybe sometime next week.” I thanked her and hung up. And then I cried. I needed someone to talk to who had been where I’d been. I vowed from this point on, that anyone who calls and asks me for my story / information would have at least 5 minutes of my time. At the very least.
One day, I’d be ‘up’ the next day, ‘down.’ Sometimes, my emotions would swing hourly. The reasons which got me down were:
1) When the news began to get out among church members, I dreaded facing them on Sunday and leading the music in front of everybody at our main meeting. I dread the inverted, embarrassed glances instead of steady, welcome faces I usually see.
2) When the first couple of calls came in on Thursday (one giving advice and the other support), it struck me so forcefully that THIS IS NOT A DRILL. It’s not like I’m not facing surgery to remove a tooth or have a toe fixed!
3) On Thursday evening, (Rex was gone to a meeting) I called 6 telephone numbers given me of people who’d had breast cancer and had taken Reliv. I wanted to know their experience on the product. I needed information on which to base a valid, reasonable expectation that I might not have to have radiation. Three numbers were no longer good. At one number, I got a telephone message machine. At one number, she said she doesn’t take Reliv anymore because she’s allergic to soy. At the last number (my one great hope!), she was just going out the door to a basketball game. I asked when it would be convenient to call her back. She said, hurriedly, “Maybe sometime next week.” I thanked her and hung up. And then I cried. I needed someone to talk to who had been where I’d been. I vowed from this point on, that anyone who calls and asks me for my story / information would have at least 5 minutes of my time. At the very least.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Feb. 21, 2006: Tuesday: First visit with a breast cancer oncologist
Rex, my husband, and I thought we’d be leaving for Boise by 8 AM. However, the office gal from the surgeon’s I had chosen called to say that it was ‘no go’ with them because they didn’t take Blue Cross’ HMO insurance. That began an upsetting round of 3 hours trying to set up an appointment with another (Blue Cross approved) surgeon. We could have left it to my primary physician. However, he was not in today and not available by pager. We felt pressed to make the appointments as soon as possible. Finally, after much frustration, the schedule was set. To our further blessing, the oncologist said she could see us today.
Dr. H… gave me a thorough examination and some good news that comforted us. The lump was small – 1.3 cm. It is well-differentiated which means that the cancer cells still look a lot like normal cells (and therefore, haven’t infiltrated much outside the lump). Her assessment was that the lymph nodes probably haven’t been infected. The cancer was caught early. All good news! She did what she could to discourage me from rejecting radiation. “If the cancer recurs, it’s just that much harder to take care of it,” she said. Hmmm….
I couldn’t tell Dr. H… that the path I wanted to take towards full recovery had been partially shaped this morning when I read my scriptures. I had had no preconceived plan of searching miracles out. I just began to read where I’d left off on Monday. To my surprise, I had a sweet feeling of the spirit, a soft witness, when reading Chapter 17 of first Nephi. In it, young Nephi had been commanded by the Lord to build a ship that would take his extended family across the sea to the New World. Not only was he not a ship-builder by trade or hobby, but the plan revealed by the Lord was like none other he’d ever seen. In other words, Nephi was guided by the Lord to do something … unconventional.
Dr. H… gave me a thorough examination and some good news that comforted us. The lump was small – 1.3 cm. It is well-differentiated which means that the cancer cells still look a lot like normal cells (and therefore, haven’t infiltrated much outside the lump). Her assessment was that the lymph nodes probably haven’t been infected. The cancer was caught early. All good news! She did what she could to discourage me from rejecting radiation. “If the cancer recurs, it’s just that much harder to take care of it,” she said. Hmmm….
I couldn’t tell Dr. H… that the path I wanted to take towards full recovery had been partially shaped this morning when I read my scriptures. I had had no preconceived plan of searching miracles out. I just began to read where I’d left off on Monday. To my surprise, I had a sweet feeling of the spirit, a soft witness, when reading Chapter 17 of first Nephi. In it, young Nephi had been commanded by the Lord to build a ship that would take his extended family across the sea to the New World. Not only was he not a ship-builder by trade or hobby, but the plan revealed by the Lord was like none other he’d ever seen. In other words, Nephi was guided by the Lord to do something … unconventional.
Feb 20, 2006 – Monday: The Verdict is in: DCIS
Feb 20, 2006 – Monday: The Verdict is in: DCIS
Today is President’s Day and so there was the possibility that neither the doctor’s (HMO) or St. Alphonsus’ Breast Care Center lab would not be open. I called early in the morning and both were open. When they heard what my query was, they both said that someone would get back to me. It was 10 AM when my primary doctor called. He sounded hesitant to deliver the answer. He finally said, “I guess you want to know the results.” I said with a firm voice, “Yes.” Then he said that the results of the biopsy showed that it was cancer.
This was really no surprise; I’d suspected as much. “The good news is,” continued Dr. R…, “that it is DCIS or Ductal Carcinoma in Situ, one of the more common forms and that it is in a mild state at present.” The name didn’t sound very mild; in fact, it sounded threatening. We talked about what the next steps would be: removal of the lump would tell us how far advanced it may be and radiation. May get away without chemotherapy. Some hormone treatment afterwards.” Because I already had gathered recommendations from a friend (who'd gone through this previously) regarding the selection of specialists, I could give that info to Dr. Rich and, as primary physician, he would call my choices of an oncologist and a surgeon, thus getting things into motion.
Well, at least now I had the facts. Before we hung up, Dr. R… said that he had hoped that it wasn’t cancer; that it was an anomaly resulting from the volleyball injury. He said that he’d be praying for me. Dr. R… is a member of our church. He advised me to seek a blessing after hearing this news.
No way around it: the emotions at such news just devastated me. Fortunately, another member from the church, Bill M…, was helping Rex with the clean up and final maintenance of our machines after their weekend snowmobile outing with the young men. Rex alerted Bill as to what was going on and the two of them gave me a blessing.
The blessing was beautiful. It calmed me a lot. It gave me great comfort in some of the unique things Heavenly Father said through his priesthood holders. Specifically:
I had many years of life ahead of me
Bless the doctors who attend me
Procedures would be minimally intrusive
Results would be the best possible outcome
Family and friends would be both a support and a resource in gathering info
to research, study and pray about.
This will be a blessing to our children and to our relationship
It was a day of calling family and friends with the news. First was our daughter, Lisa. When she heard what the blessing said, she was comforted. She later told me that at that moment, she and Greg called the children together, explained the situation, and counseled them to remember me in their prayers.
Next, I called my sister, Roberta. She did break down a bit but rallied as she expressed confidence that “if anyone could come through this, it would be me because of my attitude and spirit.”
Third, I called Maureen. She warned me that everyone and his cousin would have a cancer story to tell me. Trouble is, most are not positive and so it can get you down. Just gently tell them that perhaps now was not the best time to hear that story….
Fourth, began to call some friends.
Fifth, this evening Rex and I called and told most of the rest of our family, Robert, Ellen, Steve & Bree. They were all just blown away. Robert immediately emailed me some homeopathic remedies such as ‘massive amounts of Vitamin C.’ (In the future, both Wendy and Bree called often to check up on me and see how I’ve been doing. Their ongoing concern was much appreciated!)
Pat, Wendy’s mother, emailed the Reliv formula for fighting cancer. The formula is one taken by the founder of the company, Bob Montgomery, when he successfully fought his cancer. I have a lot of faith in Pat’s information. My faith is also based on my previous very positive experience in beating osteoporosis by drinking Reliv's basic nutritional formula plus its Reverse Age product.
It was a surreal day. I don’t feel bad. I don’t look sick. But I am. How then am I supposed to act? Should I go and lie down?
Today is President’s Day and so there was the possibility that neither the doctor’s (HMO) or St. Alphonsus’ Breast Care Center lab would not be open. I called early in the morning and both were open. When they heard what my query was, they both said that someone would get back to me. It was 10 AM when my primary doctor called. He sounded hesitant to deliver the answer. He finally said, “I guess you want to know the results.” I said with a firm voice, “Yes.” Then he said that the results of the biopsy showed that it was cancer.
This was really no surprise; I’d suspected as much. “The good news is,” continued Dr. R…, “that it is DCIS or Ductal Carcinoma in Situ, one of the more common forms and that it is in a mild state at present.” The name didn’t sound very mild; in fact, it sounded threatening. We talked about what the next steps would be: removal of the lump would tell us how far advanced it may be and radiation. May get away without chemotherapy. Some hormone treatment afterwards.” Because I already had gathered recommendations from a friend (who'd gone through this previously) regarding the selection of specialists, I could give that info to Dr. Rich and, as primary physician, he would call my choices of an oncologist and a surgeon, thus getting things into motion.
Well, at least now I had the facts. Before we hung up, Dr. R… said that he had hoped that it wasn’t cancer; that it was an anomaly resulting from the volleyball injury. He said that he’d be praying for me. Dr. R… is a member of our church. He advised me to seek a blessing after hearing this news.
No way around it: the emotions at such news just devastated me. Fortunately, another member from the church, Bill M…, was helping Rex with the clean up and final maintenance of our machines after their weekend snowmobile outing with the young men. Rex alerted Bill as to what was going on and the two of them gave me a blessing.
The blessing was beautiful. It calmed me a lot. It gave me great comfort in some of the unique things Heavenly Father said through his priesthood holders. Specifically:
I had many years of life ahead of me
Bless the doctors who attend me
Procedures would be minimally intrusive
Results would be the best possible outcome
Family and friends would be both a support and a resource in gathering info
to research, study and pray about.
This will be a blessing to our children and to our relationship
It was a day of calling family and friends with the news. First was our daughter, Lisa. When she heard what the blessing said, she was comforted. She later told me that at that moment, she and Greg called the children together, explained the situation, and counseled them to remember me in their prayers.
Next, I called my sister, Roberta. She did break down a bit but rallied as she expressed confidence that “if anyone could come through this, it would be me because of my attitude and spirit.”
Third, I called Maureen. She warned me that everyone and his cousin would have a cancer story to tell me. Trouble is, most are not positive and so it can get you down. Just gently tell them that perhaps now was not the best time to hear that story….
Fourth, began to call some friends.
Fifth, this evening Rex and I called and told most of the rest of our family, Robert, Ellen, Steve & Bree. They were all just blown away. Robert immediately emailed me some homeopathic remedies such as ‘massive amounts of Vitamin C.’ (In the future, both Wendy and Bree called often to check up on me and see how I’ve been doing. Their ongoing concern was much appreciated!)
Pat, Wendy’s mother, emailed the Reliv formula for fighting cancer. The formula is one taken by the founder of the company, Bob Montgomery, when he successfully fought his cancer. I have a lot of faith in Pat’s information. My faith is also based on my previous very positive experience in beating osteoporosis by drinking Reliv's basic nutritional formula plus its Reverse Age product.
It was a surreal day. I don’t feel bad. I don’t look sick. But I am. How then am I supposed to act? Should I go and lie down?
Feb. 17, 2006 – Friday: The journey begins: keeping the family informed
Dear family,
The biopsy was done late yesterday afternoon. The results are supposed to be faxed to my doctor sometime today. He then is supposed to call me. 98% of the time the results acquired and relayed come within 24 hours of the biopsy. The other 2% of the time, the tests have to be reviewed by a medical team in Harvard and the results are delayed.
It’s Friday morning and Rex has left – with my blessing – on an overnight snowmobile ride with some of the young men and leaders of our church. Although we were both nervous about my being alone when the results were phoned in from my primary physician, I feel strongly that I needed this day alone to commune with my Heavenly Father and His Son, my Savior. It’s as if it’s a journey – this part of my life - to build my faith. Part of this journey is to be taken, understandably, without another’s help for no one else can quite share like They can the thoughts and feelings you are having.
That being said, I appreciate all of your emails. All of you responded empathetically and that gave me strength! The prayers you offered were also answered for I was not afraid throughout the whole biopsy process. The nurse/ attendant and doctor/radiologist were amazed that I took everything so calmly. It helped to know that the doctor had once been where I am now.
Janet, my sister, your email struck me as very perceptive. It does make sense to think that you take four girls and something, somewhere along the way in the way of female problems is bound to happen. I am grateful that it is me to go through this kind of thing first because, honestly, I don’t know what I’d be doing or feeling if it were one of you! I don’t think I could bear it. It occurs to me how fitting it is that the firstborn go through this first. I hope and know now that if any of you go through something like this as well, I will be able to help you through it.
When the results come in, I will email all of you. I’m sure it’ll be another long email at that time and it won’t be the last!
Talk to ya later ~
Love you all ~
Your Sunny sister
The biopsy was done late yesterday afternoon. The results are supposed to be faxed to my doctor sometime today. He then is supposed to call me. 98% of the time the results acquired and relayed come within 24 hours of the biopsy. The other 2% of the time, the tests have to be reviewed by a medical team in Harvard and the results are delayed.
It’s Friday morning and Rex has left – with my blessing – on an overnight snowmobile ride with some of the young men and leaders of our church. Although we were both nervous about my being alone when the results were phoned in from my primary physician, I feel strongly that I needed this day alone to commune with my Heavenly Father and His Son, my Savior. It’s as if it’s a journey – this part of my life - to build my faith. Part of this journey is to be taken, understandably, without another’s help for no one else can quite share like They can the thoughts and feelings you are having.
That being said, I appreciate all of your emails. All of you responded empathetically and that gave me strength! The prayers you offered were also answered for I was not afraid throughout the whole biopsy process. The nurse/ attendant and doctor/radiologist were amazed that I took everything so calmly. It helped to know that the doctor had once been where I am now.
Janet, my sister, your email struck me as very perceptive. It does make sense to think that you take four girls and something, somewhere along the way in the way of female problems is bound to happen. I am grateful that it is me to go through this kind of thing first because, honestly, I don’t know what I’d be doing or feeling if it were one of you! I don’t think I could bear it. It occurs to me how fitting it is that the firstborn go through this first. I hope and know now that if any of you go through something like this as well, I will be able to help you through it.
When the results come in, I will email all of you. I’m sure it’ll be another long email at that time and it won’t be the last!
Talk to ya later ~
Love you all ~
Your Sunny sister
Feb. 16, 2006: Thursday - Biopsy for breast cancer
The whole procedure took about 90 minutes. A medical clerk took down my medical history. An attendant / nurse (she did the ultrasound on Monday) explained in detail what the doctor / radiologist would be doing during the test. Rex was with me for these two parts and together we asked as many questions as occurred to us. Each and all were answered fully. Then the doctor came in and additionally explained the procedure. At some point during the procedure, she looked at me directly and said, “I’ve been where you are now.” Somehow, that was very comforting to know.
The biopsy would be performed via the use of a long needle that slides into the breast at a predetermined angle and extracts sample tissues for later examination. That’s the short of the long and the short of it. The needle cannot go into the breast directly over where the lump is because of the resistance that would occur as put up by muscle, fatty tissue, etc. Therefore, it slides in at an angle.
To determine the angle and therefore the point of entry, Dr. C….first did a mini-ultrasound to become familiar with where my particular muscles and fatty tissues were. Once she decided the point of entry, a small cut was made that is no more than a quarter-inch wide. From this spot, she could go in four times at slightly different angles and pick up tissue by use of tiny pinches attached to the end.
The needle itself I did not see because I was watching the proceedings on the ultrasound screen. I saw it maneuver the ins and outs of fatty tissue, etc. When it reached the perimeter wall of the lump, the dr. pushed a button that sounded – as best as I can describe it – like an air gun. I felt a thump inside and that’s when the tissue was being extracted. (They assured me it was the tiniest of particles.) The tissue was withdrawn and released into a vial that was sealed for later delivery to the lab. The doctor did this four times.
Rex, my hsuabd, had had a similar biopsy for his prostate a couple of years ago. He described the extraction action as a “ka-boom!” The medical personnel assured me it was more like a milder, “cha-ching.” Each time the doctor extracted tissue, she asked me how I was doing. The first two times, the extraction was like ‘cha-ching.’ No big deal. The third time, it was a ‘ka-boom!’ and it did hurt. The doctor said, ‘It’s no wonder because the tip of the needle had gone through and was now touching a muscle.’ So, she had to go after another tissue sample. That one, too, was a ‘ka-boom!’
Once the tissue samples were taken, the doctor went in with a tiny, tiny piece of titanium to mark the spot. The reason was that in future examination(s), the medical personnel would already be alerted. This part of the procedure is becoming common, mainstream. I asked jokingly if I’d be setting off any airport security alarms. She laughed and said no because the piece left was so tiny. That is good because I surely would not like to give any explanations! The awesome thing about this is that the marker is in the shape of the breast cancer research symbol.
All in all, the total procedure was no more painful that having a tooth ground down for a crown. That is, it was less painful than a root canal. Aftercare included cold packs on the point of entry, Tylenol if needed (other types of aspirin might make you bleed more), no bathing for 24 hrs, and no exercise. (No lifting even a jug of milk, etc.) Sleep with bra on – for extra firm protection of the entry spot, etc. Bruising may occur.
I have not experienced any pain except minor discomfort directly over the entry cut. I didn’t need to take any Tylenol. Rex and I went out to dinner, went grocery shopping and arrived home about 10 PM.
The biopsy would be performed via the use of a long needle that slides into the breast at a predetermined angle and extracts sample tissues for later examination. That’s the short of the long and the short of it. The needle cannot go into the breast directly over where the lump is because of the resistance that would occur as put up by muscle, fatty tissue, etc. Therefore, it slides in at an angle.
To determine the angle and therefore the point of entry, Dr. C….first did a mini-ultrasound to become familiar with where my particular muscles and fatty tissues were. Once she decided the point of entry, a small cut was made that is no more than a quarter-inch wide. From this spot, she could go in four times at slightly different angles and pick up tissue by use of tiny pinches attached to the end.
The needle itself I did not see because I was watching the proceedings on the ultrasound screen. I saw it maneuver the ins and outs of fatty tissue, etc. When it reached the perimeter wall of the lump, the dr. pushed a button that sounded – as best as I can describe it – like an air gun. I felt a thump inside and that’s when the tissue was being extracted. (They assured me it was the tiniest of particles.) The tissue was withdrawn and released into a vial that was sealed for later delivery to the lab. The doctor did this four times.
Rex, my hsuabd, had had a similar biopsy for his prostate a couple of years ago. He described the extraction action as a “ka-boom!” The medical personnel assured me it was more like a milder, “cha-ching.” Each time the doctor extracted tissue, she asked me how I was doing. The first two times, the extraction was like ‘cha-ching.’ No big deal. The third time, it was a ‘ka-boom!’ and it did hurt. The doctor said, ‘It’s no wonder because the tip of the needle had gone through and was now touching a muscle.’ So, she had to go after another tissue sample. That one, too, was a ‘ka-boom!’
Once the tissue samples were taken, the doctor went in with a tiny, tiny piece of titanium to mark the spot. The reason was that in future examination(s), the medical personnel would already be alerted. This part of the procedure is becoming common, mainstream. I asked jokingly if I’d be setting off any airport security alarms. She laughed and said no because the piece left was so tiny. That is good because I surely would not like to give any explanations! The awesome thing about this is that the marker is in the shape of the breast cancer research symbol.
All in all, the total procedure was no more painful that having a tooth ground down for a crown. That is, it was less painful than a root canal. Aftercare included cold packs on the point of entry, Tylenol if needed (other types of aspirin might make you bleed more), no bathing for 24 hrs, and no exercise. (No lifting even a jug of milk, etc.) Sleep with bra on – for extra firm protection of the entry spot, etc. Bruising may occur.
I have not experienced any pain except minor discomfort directly over the entry cut. I didn’t need to take any Tylenol. Rex and I went out to dinner, went grocery shopping and arrived home about 10 PM.
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